badger11 Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 In the room he found Mary, her jeans unzipped, naked to her knees, with a breast cradled in each hand. They were swollen and sore like his lips. He said, "Where's the child?" "Sleeping," she said. "Sleeping." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dcmarti1 Posted April 3, 2013 Share Posted April 3, 2013 A striking image and well crafted, taut lines. Am I right to feel that there are ominous reasons that both he and she seem to be physically harmed AND the infant is not readily available? Like I said, striking, but I see more questions than answers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted April 3, 2013 Share Posted April 3, 2013 Hi Badge, This is great writing. This does not feel good at all. It is frightening in its presentation. I am not going to say I like this piece, It almost feels like I've been assaulted by this stark imagery and raw emotion. I don't know where this came from but it is haunting. ~Tink Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badger11 Posted April 3, 2013 Author Share Posted April 3, 2013 Thanks DCM and Tink. It was something of a reaction to this: "From Monday, 660,000 social housing tenants deemed to have a spare room will begin to lose an average of £14 a week in housing benefit." http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-21991953 all the best badge Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benjamin Posted April 3, 2013 Share Posted April 3, 2013 Interesting if rather oblique imagery badge. I fear the ideological social misery currently being inflicted on this nation will have much worse reactions in the very near future. B Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badger11 Posted April 3, 2013 Author Share Posted April 3, 2013 Interesting if rather oblique imagery badge. I fear the ideological social misery currently being inflicted on this nation will have much worse reactions in the very near future. B True B. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dcmarti1 Posted April 4, 2013 Share Posted April 4, 2013 Ah! With the outer stanzas now added (#1 and #3) the STORY is complete. The image is still as striking but more understandable. Maybe there is something to this revision stuff. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badger11 Posted April 4, 2013 Author Share Posted April 4, 2013 Maybe there is something to this revision stuff. Revision is the fun bit Marti Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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