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dr_con
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Guests

 

The two friends have left today

In a surprising denial of our often

contentious relationship I miss them

The cat’s incessant need to escape

to make trouble to get beneath foot

to be the center when not sleeping

of all that is known and unknown

The dog’s obsequiousness in

playing begging being fed

 

And my own complicity as Host

although I take comfort we will

pass each other’s way again

and unlike their language

spoiled sapien relatives

they will remember

whose hands from

which they fed

 

And I think of the Old Ways

the Table and the Ancestor Feast

conjoining the past to build better

foundations for what comes next

The ever-present invitation to sit

and enjoy the dark wood

 

It sparkles in the eye

as my Daughter’s did

when born pulled freshly

from the Celestial Hall

 

Where we may be Honored

but try not to forget we are only

guests here momentarily after-all.

thegateless.org Come on over and check out my poetry substack y'all;-) Or if your bored, head to the Zazzle store: https://www.zazzle.com/store/gateless. If you buy anything I lose a bet, so consider that before you violate the digital rules.

 

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For me, the lack of punctuation gives this an immediacy, a tension, that I don't know if YOU meant; however, it propelled me along. This is so evocative:

 

The ever-present invitation to sit

and enjoy the dark wood

 

I don't know why but I thought of my oh-so-long-ago reading of Beowulf: the opening portions about the long halls, etc..

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The beauty of the opening two sections made me wonder why you felt the need to drift into more when this was enough. This part was fluent, cohesive, and so grounded in reality it made a wonderful poem in itself.

badge

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"unlike their language

spoiled sapien relatives" Loved that!

 

I agree with badge the first two stanzas could probably stand alone.However, I'm pleased you continued, for it makes the piece altogether more relevant philosophical and human. Much enjoyed. B.

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The whole piece, to me, reads like stream-of-consciousness, the mind shifting almost in mid-thought. Great mood piece. Your thoughts led me from one mental room of noises and movement to another of tactile appreciation of your surroundings, all with love in remembrance. Touches of Hawthorne. The word "sojourner" comes to mind. Thanks for sharing.

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You are all fantastic! I often judge the success of a piece by the reactions, and all that was intended but barely left a whisper in the lines that are read none the less.

For me, the lack of punctuation gives this an immediacy, a tension, that I don't know if YOU meant; however, it propelled me along. This is so evocative:

 

The ever-present invitation to sit

and enjoy the dark wood

 

I don't know why but I thought of my oh-so-long-ago reading of Beowulf: the opening portions about the long halls, etc..

 

Yes indeed- The lack of punctuation in Merwin's poetry that created that sense of immediacy is why I adopted that technique. And yes I was invoking beowulf and other similar visions;-)

 

Tinker, yes the humor Thank you for seeing it!

 

Badge- Yes you are intuitively correct. The bigger poem I as thinking about will come out in a number of pieces, and i was thinking of the theme of the last half first but the immediacy of the surprising emotions, seemed like a good way for me to tie it together- The big and the small (or concrete). I can see why it didn't work for you- so feel free to just keep the first 2 stanzas and be rid of the rest;-)

 

Thanks Benjamin, and yes you see what I wanted to do;-)

 

Fdelano- Yes and O yes- You read my mind sojourner was in y mind the whole time and I'll need to re-read Hawthorne... Thank you...

 

You're all the best! Many, Many Thanks!

 

Con/Jur/E

thegateless.org Come on over and check out my poetry substack y'all;-) Or if your bored, head to the Zazzle store: https://www.zazzle.com/store/gateless. If you buy anything I lose a bet, so consider that before you violate the digital rules.

 

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It sparkles in the eye

as my Daughter’s did

when born pulled freshly

from the Celestial Hall

 

exquisite!

To receive love, you have to give it...

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  • 2 weeks later...

Thank You Douglas! Deeply appreciated...

thegateless.org Come on over and check out my poetry substack y'all;-) Or if your bored, head to the Zazzle store: https://www.zazzle.com/store/gateless. If you buy anything I lose a bet, so consider that before you violate the digital rules.

 

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  • 1 month later...
David W. Parsley

Fascinating and unexpected, which is what I have come to expect from you, Doc. More moves in me as I read it than I can explain. With respect for comments on the initial stanzas, count me among those who find the whole more fascinating for the stanzas that continue beyond the first two.

 

Thank You,

- Dave

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Thank you David! Things evlve, but these comments bring me back to the process...;-0

 

 

Con/Jur/D

thegateless.org Come on over and check out my poetry substack y'all;-) Or if your bored, head to the Zazzle store: https://www.zazzle.com/store/gateless. If you buy anything I lose a bet, so consider that before you violate the digital rules.

 

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Frank E Gibbard

Sorry I missed this initially due to the fecundity of this forum currently, the good doctor (not that there's a bad) in prime form. Enjoyed as Bart Simpson says 'cos it's so true. Frank

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I agree with the others and am ever so glad, Doc, you didn't stop with the first 2 verses. Very much enjoyed.

 

mq

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