dr_con Posted April 5, 2013 Share Posted April 5, 2013 Guests The two friends have left today In a surprising denial of our often contentious relationship I miss them The cat’s incessant need to escape to make trouble to get beneath foot to be the center when not sleeping of all that is known and unknown The dog’s obsequiousness in playing begging being fed And my own complicity as Host although I take comfort we will pass each other’s way again and unlike their language spoiled sapien relatives they will remember whose hands from which they fed And I think of the Old Ways the Table and the Ancestor Feast conjoining the past to build better foundations for what comes next The ever-present invitation to sit and enjoy the dark wood It sparkles in the eye as my Daughter’s did when born pulled freshly from the Celestial Hall Where we may be Honored but try not to forget we are only guests here momentarily after-all. Quote thegateless.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dcmarti1 Posted April 5, 2013 Share Posted April 5, 2013 For me, the lack of punctuation gives this an immediacy, a tension, that I don't know if YOU meant; however, it propelled me along. This is so evocative: The ever-present invitation to sit and enjoy the dark wood I don't know why but I thought of my oh-so-long-ago reading of Beowulf: the opening portions about the long halls, etc.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted April 5, 2013 Share Posted April 5, 2013 Hi DC, This is really nice. It made me smile. Thanks, ~~Tink Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badger11 Posted April 5, 2013 Share Posted April 5, 2013 The beauty of the opening two sections made me wonder why you felt the need to drift into more when this was enough. This part was fluent, cohesive, and so grounded in reality it made a wonderful poem in itself. badge Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benjamin Posted April 5, 2013 Share Posted April 5, 2013 "unlike their language spoiled sapien relatives" Loved that! I agree with badge the first two stanzas could probably stand alone.However, I'm pleased you continued, for it makes the piece altogether more relevant philosophical and human. Much enjoyed. B. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fdelano Posted April 5, 2013 Share Posted April 5, 2013 The whole piece, to me, reads like stream-of-consciousness, the mind shifting almost in mid-thought. Great mood piece. Your thoughts led me from one mental room of noises and movement to another of tactile appreciation of your surroundings, all with love in remembrance. Touches of Hawthorne. The word "sojourner" comes to mind. Thanks for sharing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_con Posted April 5, 2013 Author Share Posted April 5, 2013 You are all fantastic! I often judge the success of a piece by the reactions, and all that was intended but barely left a whisper in the lines that are read none the less. For me, the lack of punctuation gives this an immediacy, a tension, that I don't know if YOU meant; however, it propelled me along. This is so evocative: The ever-present invitation to sit and enjoy the dark wood I don't know why but I thought of my oh-so-long-ago reading of Beowulf: the opening portions about the long halls, etc.. Yes indeed- The lack of punctuation in Merwin's poetry that created that sense of immediacy is why I adopted that technique. And yes I was invoking beowulf and other similar visions;-) Tinker, yes the humor Thank you for seeing it! Badge- Yes you are intuitively correct. The bigger poem I as thinking about will come out in a number of pieces, and i was thinking of the theme of the last half first but the immediacy of the surprising emotions, seemed like a good way for me to tie it together- The big and the small (or concrete). I can see why it didn't work for you- so feel free to just keep the first 2 stanzas and be rid of the rest;-) Thanks Benjamin, and yes you see what I wanted to do;-) Fdelano- Yes and O yes- You read my mind sojourner was in y mind the whole time and I'll need to re-read Hawthorne... Thank you... You're all the best! Many, Many Thanks! Con/Jur/E Quote thegateless.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
douglas Posted April 6, 2013 Share Posted April 6, 2013 It sparkles in the eye as my Daughter’s did when born pulled freshly from the Celestial Hall exquisite! Quote To receive love, you have to give it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_con Posted April 16, 2013 Author Share Posted April 16, 2013 Thank You Douglas! Deeply appreciated... Quote thegateless.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David W. Parsley Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 Fascinating and unexpected, which is what I have come to expect from you, Doc. More moves in me as I read it than I can explain. With respect for comments on the initial stanzas, count me among those who find the whole more fascinating for the stanzas that continue beyond the first two. Thank You, - Dave Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_con Posted June 2, 2013 Author Share Posted June 2, 2013 Thank you David! Things evlve, but these comments bring me back to the process...;-0 Con/Jur/D Quote thegateless.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank E Gibbard Posted June 3, 2013 Share Posted June 3, 2013 Sorry I missed this initially due to the fecundity of this forum currently, the good doctor (not that there's a bad) in prime form. Enjoyed as Bart Simpson says 'cos it's so true. Frank Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moonqueen Posted June 3, 2013 Share Posted June 3, 2013 I agree with the others and am ever so glad, Doc, you didn't stop with the first 2 verses. Very much enjoyed. mq Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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