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Poetry Magnum Opus

out of time


Benjamin
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a beachball

 

spinning upon his nose

 

he jumped on the tub oinking with pride

 

and flippers clapped anticipating the reward

 

a kettle of fish which never came

 

for the circus had long

 

since moved on

 

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That'll teach him never to trust humans. Nice twist, but sad. I think there is more here than said in so few words. It takes a long time for a learned response to extinguish.

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I felt there had to be more than this than just a performing animal. It still struck me as a very sad situation. But I LOVE the syllabic structure: 3/6/9/12/9/6/3. :)

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Little poem.. big world. :smile: It's a "triquain" attributed to Shelley Cephas. There are variations of linking them to make longer poems "a swirl, chain or crown". Not to everyones taste but the syllabic stucture makes a good excercise for combining free verse with a fluid form. I sometimes jot down ideas like this before they evolve into different poems.B.

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Hi Geoff, You have used this form before, your Snowman provided an example for the Triquain Swirl. I like it. Hope you don't mind I added a link to the description of the form.

 

The literal read of this poem begins delightfully then turns sad. I had to be pointed in the right direction to see the allegory but once there saw all kinds of possiblities.

 

~~Tink

~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~

For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com

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Hi Tink. Thanks for comenting on "out of time" I looked again at your extended notes on this form which are most helpful. I've since edited the "Snowman" example which now should read:

 

all of my

careful efforts in vain

buttons up front to the coal dark eyes

and toper's nose with seasonal smile-- there he stood

a lone titan of his ilk-- until

the school bell rang early--

then down came

a hullabaloo horde

pelting at all in their way-- until

they saw him and couldn't contain their glee-- and I

swear we both shared such a baleful look

as snowballing children

tore him down

 

Best wishes. Geoff.

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  • 1 month later...
David W. Parsley

Hi Geoff, this poem jabs me very effectively on the literal level. It could be allegorical of almost any situation in which the good-willed performer of any service is no longer appreciated or required. W.S. Merwin has a poem that affects me in a similar fashion, Dusk in Winter. Interesting form.

 

- Dave

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