To Measure and Keep a Woman

[JoelJosol]

----------------- Revised --------------------------

To Measure a Woman

 

There is no physical equation,

invention, or mention outside

of dimensions, of lengths, of depths,

of curves, in fairness, of fair skins,

of long eye-lashes, of duration

of glances, of swinging hips, of lips,

red and wet, glistening in the light,

like an object of study, peered into,

hoping to measure and predict

the consistency, inconsistency of you.

 

Denied of tools, formulas, or numbers,

with myriad variables, changing

constantly like weather patterns,

still I, fool-hardy, walk your days

promised as full of summers,

but cared less for thunderstorms

that came instead, soaking these hands

that held yours I could not keep

slipping off mine, wind-blown away

like rain drops.

 

----------------- Original ---------------------------

To Measure a Woman

 

There is no physical equation,

invention, or mention outside

of dimensions, of lengths, of depths,

of curves, in fairness, of fair skins,

of long eye-lashes, of duration

of glances, of swinging hips, of lips,

red and wet, glistening in the light,

like an object of study, peered into,

hoping to measure and predict

the consistency, inconsistency of you.

 

Denied of tools, formulas, or numbers,

with myriad variables, changing

constantly like the weather patterns,

still I, fool-hardy, walk your days

promised as full of summers,

and cared less for thunderstorms

that came instead, soaked these hands

that held yours I could not keep

slipping off mine, wind-blown away

like rain drops.

 

 

 

*** I know it has been the strangest, longest while I have ever tried writing something again. Will be back soon. Demanding work is a necessary evil :-)

[Tinker]

Hi Joel, It has been a while but it was certainly worth the wait. This poem is smooth as silk sliding off the skin. Can I suggest eliminating the comma after predict? "measure and predict the consistency, inconsistency of you" That's a great line by the way. Welcome back Joel.

 

~~Tink

[JoelJosol]

Thank you, Tink. I will removed that comma and come back again this week end.

[dcmarti1]

With these two:

 

the consistency, inconsistency of you.

 

promised as full of summers,

 

you have relayed the personal but the reader KNOWS they are universal. I love the litany style of the first stanza.

[JoelJosol]

Thanks, Marti. This piece was inspired by a Dove ad on what women think of their own appearance. They were a sort of narrating a list of features of their appearance.

[badger11]

Nice to see you around JJ. Away from the quantifying, I did enjoy that image of rain drops being blown away on the wind.

 

badge

[David W. Parsley]

Joel, there is something so fresh and appealing about this piece. But I must protest the second part of the Topic's title is blatant false advertising!

 

(Just had my hopes up...)

 

- Dave

[JoelJosol]

Hi badge, glad to be here and thanks for the appreciation.

 

Hi Dave, I actually edited the title and drop the keeping part :-)

[Gatekeeper]

I like the internal rhyme-song of the first stanza. It works for me.

 

The measuring though, really, by my experience, is not possible. The formula is a conundrum. If it is, it simply is.

[JoelJosol]

Hi Gatekeeper. Thanks for your feedback. That is exactly the message of the piece :-)

 

Tweaked the second standza a little.

[Benjamin]

A most enjoyable read Joel.

Ah! The compulsions and mysteries of "Venus" and "Mars"

 

"still I, fool-hardy, walk your days

promised as full of summers,

but cared less for thunderstorms

that came instead,"

 

...though there's consolation they gravitate around the same "Sun"

[JoelJosol]

to Benjamin, indeed :-)