fdelano Posted April 18, 2013 Share Posted April 18, 2013 Unaware Rain on snow takes away the glitter as I watch its runoff in the midnight glare of the streetlamp. In the middles, in the silence so appropriate, I am compelled to watch the emptiness outside. Aging’s effect on the mind causes memories to flow to a drain ever empty and seeming to want more of the most meaningful events of a life that outraces its abilities inside. Perhaps by tomorrow I will have forgotten standing alone beside the black night window, a spot chosen as a haven against those memories that never join the rush downhill. A sudden rain works its way into my chest, with fingers that spread wide, dissolving the snow blanket with sopping cold drops that I know will soon drive me back to unwelcome sleep. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted April 18, 2013 Share Posted April 18, 2013 Ooooh Frank this is a good one. I don't know if the last word "Again" does anything for the poem... It is complete and more powerful without it, but that is just my humble opinion. I really enjoyed reading this piece. Thanks, ~~Tink Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fdelano Posted April 19, 2013 Author Share Posted April 19, 2013 Thanks, Tink. "Again" is necessary in this one, because it is an ongoing occurrence. Check your PM. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benjamin Posted April 19, 2013 Share Posted April 19, 2013 A contemplative and profound piece. Your overall imagery is clear and uncluttered and the third stanza for me.. is outstanding. Stay well my friend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fdelano Posted April 19, 2013 Author Share Posted April 19, 2013 Thank your, Geoff. You are kind. I agree that S-3 is the least cluttered, its meaning clear. Still trying to learn. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dcmarti1 Posted April 20, 2013 Share Posted April 20, 2013 For me it is the last stanza. Sort of foreboding to call "unwelcome" the natural function of sleep. I like the one word line ending each stanza. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fdelano Posted April 20, 2013 Author Share Posted April 20, 2013 Thank you, neighbor. Your approval makes me think I may be learning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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