Crow

[badger11]

revised

 

The tarn was bright with ice

and bleached silence slid

across the latitude

until we blinked inside.

 

We did not want to hear

that overflowing bin

spilling its solitude

so loud it woke a priest.

 

That feathered thief has torn

the wrapping, scattered crumbs

as if the longitude

trailed a fairy-tale end.

 

 

 

 

 

=========================================================================================

 

original

 

 

The tarn was bright with ice

and bleached silence slid

across the latitude

until we blinked inside.

 

We did not want to hear

that overflowing bin

spilling its solitude

aloud to a beaked thief.

 

That feathered priest has torn

the wrapping, scattered crumbs

all down the longitude

of others signing time.

[dr_con]

A clear rich image. A lonely tone, rich with the silence of a bell.

 

Juris

[badger11]

Thanks Dr C. Your reply is a line of poetry itself!

[Tinker]

Hi Badge, Love "bleached silence slid" it slips across the tongue almost in a whisper. Cool!

 

~~Tink

[Benjamin]

The dark significance of the scavenging crow reminds me of the macabre traditional Scottish song/poem Twa Corbies.I smiled wryly at your mention of a priest in the revised version which I prefer. Enjoyed. B.

[fdelano]

"Tarn." A familiar clue in crossword puzzles, seldom seen or used. Great choice that, to me, speaks isolation. I love the mood here with words that lead my thoughts in several directions. I am jealous of "bleached silence," perfect for the icy scene. I can see and hear the black priest disturbing the wonder with its raucous interruption of breadcrumb caws. Thank you for the gift. It will linger and steal into my thoughts often. You have a new fan, wanted or not. Oh, I almost forgot; I like both but the original more.

[badger11]

Thanks Tink, B. and fd.

 

 

I can see and hear the black priest disturbing the wonder with its raucous interruption of breadcrumb caws.

 

It's great to know that words created that image for you.

 

Love "bleached silence slid" it slips across the tongue almost in a whisper. Cool

 

Love the way you savour words Tink.

 

I smiled wryly at your mention of a priest in the revised version which I prefer.

 

Thanks B. It made me smile in a way too. Thanks for the thumbs up on the revision in my other poem too.

 

all the best

 

badge