Jump to content
Poetry Magnum Opus

Rubaiyaat (Interleaved Quatrains)


jainrohit
 Share

Recommended Posts

After Long Lasting - perennial freeze

Not much is left in pallid autumn trees

When No one treads the avenues of life

Her coming was coming of Gentle breeze

Her dress was colored with all hues of life

Her words hissed all the values of life

She seemed as a stranger yet sacrosanct

Her actions imbibed all the clues of life

Her presence was etched on every moment

To escape her presence a futile attempt

A soft Glance - you immerse in her faith

Her beauty will prevent any contempt

She coalesced into me freezing my breath

Her colour was dark and her name was death

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Her words hissed all the values of life

 

Wow. That word "hissed" for values.....A lot going on there! :)

 

Did not expect that ending. Provocative piece. Nice.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Fascinating work. Greatly enjoyed but the repetition of life grates on me (but that is a personal preference not a condemnation of the piece) Which I fund delightful!

 

 

Juris

thegateless.org Come on over and check out my poetry substack y'all;-) Or if your bored, head to the Zazzle store: https://www.zazzle.com/store/gateless. If you buy anything I lose a bet, so consider that before you violate the digital rules.

 

Gate(less.png

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I like the overall concept and the surprise end couplet. I felt however, the piece as a whole would have benefited from some enjambment to soften the end line rhymes but that also is a personal preference.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I like the overall concept and the surprise end couplet. I felt however, the piece as a whole would have benefited from some enjambment to soften the end line rhymes but that also is a personal preference.

Fascinating work. Greatly enjoyed but the repetition of life grates on me (but that is a personal preference not a condemnation of the piece) Which I fund delightful!

 

 

Juris

Her words hissed all the values of life

 

Wow. That word "hissed" for values.....A lot going on there! :)

 

Did not expect that ending. Provocative piece. Nice.

 

 

Thanks All Sirs for liking and guiding this one ........

 

Dr_Con - Thanks for the valuable suggestion . Actually it was some form of adherence to the form of rubaai which has a radeef or a repetitive refrain , that's why the word life ......

 

Anyways , thanks once again

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Jain, I enjoyed this poem and love some of the imagery. It is one of the few rubaiyats in English I have seen other than Fitzgerald's famous work. May I use your poem as an example of the form in the reference section?

 

~~Tink

~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~

For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Jain, I enjoyed this poem and love some of the imagery. It is one of the few rubaiyats in English I have seen other than Fitzgerald's famous work. May I use your poem as an example of the form in the reference section?

 

~~Tink

 

 

Yes ........ Why not ......... It will be my pleasure .....................!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Guidelines.