fdelano Posted May 4, 2013 Share Posted May 4, 2013 Beauty in the Eye… Leaves of a small mulberry fight large shadows of a mighty oak, struggling to find favor from an uncaring sun. In a microscope, I watch the war between antibodies and the attacking, rapidly evolving biota. The conflagration continues forever. Orange lilies and red, red roses, surrounded by growth of greens, so often create a symbiosis of contrasting beauty. A rambling rose on a hillside of my walking road survives at least five generations of gardening wives, trying to create some rare beauty. No need to go on and on, as I could, about the wonders of this universe, the constellations, one of which holds my Earth hostage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_con Posted May 4, 2013 Share Posted May 4, 2013 Impressive naturalist reflection. Enjoyed thoroughly. Some excellent lines! My only possible revision- Is leave off the last stanza (For me) the images held the message and no need to clarify further- but that's one of the areas i'm woring on trying to find the sweet spot between over/under -standing, so @ the moment could just be a personal bias. Many Thanks! Con/Jur/D Quote thegateless.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fdelano Posted May 4, 2013 Author Share Posted May 4, 2013 Thank you, Doc. I agree and have lopped off the unnecessary last stanza. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted May 5, 2013 Share Posted May 5, 2013 Hi Frank, I love this type of poetry when done well and you done well. Your imagery paints a picture in my mind as well as oils could do. I like the last part gone, I tend to try and tell my reader too much so I relate, let the images tell the story but it is so hard to pull back and not spell it out for them. Good advise from Juris. ~~Tink Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fdelano Posted May 5, 2013 Author Share Posted May 5, 2013 Thanks, Tink. I always listen to my elders--like Doc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gatekeeper Posted May 5, 2013 Share Posted May 5, 2013 The "last stanza" was the sixth? or is it the fifth? I'm confused. Quote from the black desert Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fdelano Posted May 5, 2013 Author Share Posted May 5, 2013 So am I, GK. The previous last stanza has been removed. Perhaps the others should also be deleted. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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