Bloodyday Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 In the end fire flies pain grows in paradise no body dies no body cries this is the prison we live without option cheap is our love and smile intention dies to exile i need the trees to watch the skies singing out loud pointing empty crowd this is the world we don't want no more soul will ever refund just follow the line where happiness is fine for your fake expressions in your face ready to hate this paradise, bring distress disgrace yourself or change the world saving your smiles fallen waits to herald Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larsen M. Callirhoe Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 execellent poem bloodyday. i love the analogies used in the beginning and the end of the poem. well done. victor Quote Larsen M. Callirhoe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleksandra Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 Interesting poem Bloodyday, and angry one. I don't like the expression : you must move your fat ass I don't like here because i think that expression works bad in this poem and takes from the power of this poem, which is nice and good poem. Without that expression - I like so much your poem. It sounds very real and truthful. Well written, and I am sorry for telling my opinion about that expression but really you can skip that one. Sure it's your decision Thanks for sharing Aleksandra Quote The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bloodyday Posted May 16, 2009 Author Share Posted May 16, 2009 Interesting poem Bloodyday, and angry one. I don't like the expression : you must move your fat ass I don't like here because i think that expression works bad in this poem and takes from the power of this poem, which is nice and good poem. Without that expression - I like so much your poem. It sounds very real and truthful. Well written, and I am sorry for telling my opinion about that expression but really you can skip that one. Sure it's your decision Thanks for sharing Aleksandra Umm....ya i understood your feelings, as this poem was embelishmented in the time of my unholy blessings. These times gift me the ups and downs emotions which make an impact in my behaviour and poems in proportion. My hidden desire drenches away my comceptions that awakes some filthy memories awaits for the time of mourn. i hope soon my works will be independent of this impurities as this world can't bear any ambuguities between love and peace. Aleksandra, it's a free world with some logical bindings and perhaps this is the reason everybody lives for the beloved and siblings! thanks for your opinion and victor, your work must carry on like the show must go on! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 I like this powerful lyrical poem, Bloodyday. This part sets the underlying tone: this is the prison we live without option ... but here, it seems the narrator is trying to remain positive: i need the trees to watch the skies singing out loud pointing empty crowd this is the world we don't want .... just follow the line where happiness is fine .... The message in the end resounds: disgrace yourself or change the world ... Do something! Change the world! I like it! Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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