eclipse Posted June 3, 2013 Share Posted June 3, 2013 God's foot soldier battled me for my legsI resisted soul hungry flames of Heavens ladderhe took my gas mask avoiding the stinking dregsof this battlefield as I sought the devil's bankerhis account was full but to me he now pledgedI would bleed my debt to him slowly over timeHeaven and hells lakes would forever be dredgeduntil earth and heaven are covered in Hell's rimedebtors would be pursued and promised non existenceI believed mystics who told me that I would walkI knew for veterans non existence would be a preferencethe skies were dark and filled with cleansing smokethe devil blew out the sun God used the moon as a lanternrelit the sun and over the devil and Hell began to govern. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larsen M. Callirhoe Posted June 3, 2013 Share Posted June 3, 2013 very cool poem. I love the ending of this. it speaks of the world I live in. victor Quote Larsen M. Callirhoe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dcmarti1 Posted June 4, 2013 Share Posted June 4, 2013 debtors would be pursued and promised non existence Unsettling, but "if it ain't dangerous it ain't poetry". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank E Gibbard Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 Interesting well done sonnet, a good example in Revelationesque territory. Frank Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted June 7, 2013 Share Posted June 7, 2013 Wow, a dark sonnet with redemption, well done.~~Tink Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David W. Parsley Posted July 14, 2013 Share Posted July 14, 2013 Dislocation in diction and destiny, the poem lurches like a nightmarish amusement park ride. Inventive rhymes and near-rhymes. The lack of punctuation facilitates a deliberately anguished and bumpy ride. Wow, a dark sonnet with redemption, well done.~~Tink Agreed, but even the redemption is halt of gait, implying an absence of God's governance before this moment. I have read this poem several times, impressed with the scale and imaginative insight. Something about it seems not quite satisfactory, but I can't pinpoint the source of my problem. The only negative observation is that perhaps the last-line intervention of Deity may be somewhat abrupt. But what isn't, in this troubling piece? Nice job, Barry. - Dave Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.