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Poetry Magnum Opus

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God's foot soldier battled me for my legs
I resisted soul hungry flames of Heavens ladder
he took my gas mask avoiding the stinking dregs
of this battlefield as I sought the devil's banker
his account was full but to me he now pledged
I would bleed my debt to him slowly over time
Heaven and hells lakes would forever be dredged
until earth and heaven are covered in Hell's rime
debtors would be pursued and promised non existence
I believed mystics who told me that I would walk
I knew for veterans non existence would be a preference
the skies were dark and filled with cleansing smoke
the devil blew out the sun God used the moon as a lantern
relit the sun and over the devil and Hell began to govern.

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Larsen M. Callirhoe

very cool poem. I love the ending of this. it speaks of the world I live in.

 

victor

Larsen M. Callirhoe

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debtors would be pursued and promised non existence

 

Unsettling, but "if it ain't dangerous it ain't poetry".

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Frank E Gibbard

Interesting well done sonnet, a good example in Revelationesque territory. Frank

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  • 1 month later...
David W. Parsley

Dislocation in diction and destiny, the poem lurches like a nightmarish amusement park ride. Inventive rhymes and near-rhymes. The lack of punctuation facilitates a deliberately anguished and bumpy ride.

 

Wow, a dark sonnet with redemption, well done.

~~Tink

 

Agreed, but even the redemption is halt of gait, implying an absence of God's governance before this moment.

 

I have read this poem several times, impressed with the scale and imaginative insight. Something about it seems not quite satisfactory, but I can't pinpoint the source of my problem. The only negative observation is that perhaps the last-line intervention of Deity may be somewhat abrupt. But what isn't, in this troubling piece?

 

Nice job, Barry.

- Dave

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