dansalinger Posted June 16, 2013 Share Posted June 16, 2013 THE DEFINITION OF FAMILY Family is your future and family is your past. Family is the mold from which your dye was cast. Family is a feeling in the recess of your mind. Its easy to forget but it’s with you all the time. A feeling of belonging and a longing that you share, it’s a bond that brings you running anytime your needed there. It endures the worst of battle and defies the test of time, although you may be different, some parts will always rhyme. Family is a fondness born of nothing but your soul, the time you’ve spent together is a part that makes you whole. Knows the depth of your depravity, sees the humor in your jokes, there is no need for pretense or any other cloaks. Family is a feather latched on to your cart and it never goes away, even after they part. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David W. Parsley Posted June 16, 2013 Share Posted June 16, 2013 Family is a feather latched on to your cart and it never goes away, even after they depart. Highly original understatement. Something in me responds to the truth in this sentence, dansalinger, but I do not yet understand it well enough to expand. Thank You, - Dave Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dansalinger Posted June 16, 2013 Author Share Posted June 16, 2013 thanks for your interest in the poem...the last verse was a last minute change...the original verse being "family is a fable etched upon your heart that never goes away even after they depart." however I thought a little too corny and contrived..."family is a feather latched on to your cart and it never goes away, even after they depart" the feather latched onto the cart meaning family is something you carry with you everywhere but without burden or weight and of course remains with you after they leave this world...also a feather, like family can be decorative and help identify who you are...the identity can be good or bad...and also a feather can help you fly and take you to places you could never go without it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benjamin Posted June 16, 2013 Share Posted June 16, 2013 A pleasure to read from the emphatic first line and throughout. The plain language is well suited to the universal tone of the piece; although the line which Dave mentioned does stand out for it's unusual analogy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dcmarti1 Posted June 18, 2013 Share Posted June 18, 2013 Knows the depth of your depravity, sees the humor in your jokes, there is no need for pretense or any other cloaks. Bravo. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moonqueen Posted June 18, 2013 Share Posted June 18, 2013 Kind of depends on the family from which you hail, does it not? :) My family is a bit different, I've been told. Anyway, I really enjoyed this piece. As to the last line, I have an idea you might play with, that might resonate better for readers. "Family, light as a feather attached to your heart and it never goes away, even when they depart." I think 'when', being only one syllable, allows a better rhythm. I don't expect you to use this (unless you want; you are welcome to), but just to show you another way you might go that would be less obscure. Either way, very nice work. Thanks for sharing. tammi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dansalinger Posted June 19, 2013 Author Share Posted June 19, 2013 Tammi...the rhythm needs some tweaking...thanks for the suggestion...maybe ....Family, light as a feather aglow on your heart, and it never goes out, even when they depart....or Family is a feather latched onto your cart (or heart), that never goes away even after they part...anyway thanks for the input..dan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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