douglas Posted July 5, 2013 Share Posted July 5, 2013 Photograph a chairand the whiteness of obliviona chair and a candleand a broken hearteverything has come full circlethings have run their courselike the pounding rainand evaporationand the forming of cloudsemotion is as intangible as steamyet it is as visiblea handand the ghost of breatha hand and a shattered soulthe remnants of taking the brave riskall has come to nothinglove has wiped clean the slate yet againa yearning that seduces us allyet vanishes just as quickly and magicallyas it appearsa sighand the heaving of a spirita sigh and the broken flowershattered reminders of what once bloomedso effortlesslya life at my feetin tatters and shreds and little piecesthe hopes that seemed so surenow gone forevera touchand the softness of skina touch and the fleeting memory of caressesdancing quietly out of vivid consciousnessdetaching themselves from realitymere photographs of what wasthe ending is not the saddest partwhen an affair is overthe remembrances of its start are... Quote To receive love, you have to give it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benjamin Posted July 5, 2013 Share Posted July 5, 2013 Emotive, clear and yet nicely rhythmic. I liked the extended metaphors and: "love has wiped clean the slate yet againa yearning that seduces us allyet vanishes just as quickly and magicallyas it appears" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dcmarti1 Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 I like the re-use of the object in lines 1 and 3. And I just LOVE "ghost of breath"..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fdelano Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 I admit to knowing little of forms of poetry or even a knowledge of its history. I have no credentials to criticize, but the verses seem separate and not in unity with the aim of the theme. But what do I know? I do love the images, and perhaps that is the theme. Still, a pleasure to read. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
douglas Posted July 6, 2013 Author Share Posted July 6, 2013 thanks for all of your comments. they are all appreciated. fdelano - the poem is about lost love and is basically stream of consciousness; the abandoned lover exploring how he feels about his loss and moments shared - fragments of time together with another. so you were quite right to notice the separateness of these thoughts and yes, it's the various images of what was shared between two people that is the theme. ;) Quote To receive love, you have to give it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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