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Poetry Magnum Opus

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dr_con
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I dream you are

become a blank page

 

Clothing fades first

the color of everything

the everything of color

 

Your hair undone

returns prematurely

pre-sentience fibers

unwoven unfashioned

unadorned nothing

 

Your eyes all of one lips and teeth

indistinguishable extinguished

 

The white of your skin

wipes all poetry all passion

a narrative never written

 

Looking at each other

forlorn understanding

 

Is it cold?

Is it hot?

Is it up or down?

 

Without signifiers we cannot tell

 

But there is Something

what it is

words will never know.

 

thegateless.org Come on over and check out my poetry substack y'all;-) Or if your bored, head to the Zazzle store: https://www.zazzle.com/store/gateless. If you buy anything I lose a bet, so consider that before you violate the digital rules.

 

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I sense you have

become a blank page

 

or

 

 

I dream you are

a blank page

 

Just a suggestion.

 

Agreed. Words have their limitations or at least those who use them do.

 

cheers

 

badge

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Thanks for stopping in Badge! Excellent suggestions, but the conclusion was deliberately hinted at in the first lines. Meaning, that 'in this case' the awkwardness of the opening (Which is 'correct') sets one up for the conclusion- The need to rewrite that opening line is part of what the thematic structure of the piece is about- Now I am 'mostly' unaware of my egregious errors, but in this case your response is exactly what I was looking for;-) So thanks for playing!

 

I sincerely appreciate the review and my own thoughts being confirmed.

 

As always, many many thanks!

 

Juris

thegateless.org Come on over and check out my poetry substack y'all;-) Or if your bored, head to the Zazzle store: https://www.zazzle.com/store/gateless. If you buy anything I lose a bet, so consider that before you violate the digital rules.

 

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Wow Thanks Tony- Blushing (in B&W, of course)

 

Juris

thegateless.org Come on over and check out my poetry substack y'all;-) Or if your bored, head to the Zazzle store: https://www.zazzle.com/store/gateless. If you buy anything I lose a bet, so consider that before you violate the digital rules.

 

Gate(less.png

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