dr_con Posted January 11, 2014 Share Posted January 11, 2014 Blank Page I dream you are become a blank page Clothing fades first the color of everything the everything of color Your hair undone returns prematurely pre-sentience fibers unwoven unfashioned unadorned nothing Your eyes all of one lips and teeth indistinguishable extinguished The white of your skin wipes all poetry all passion a narrative never written Looking at each other forlorn understanding Is it cold? Is it hot? Is it up or down? Without signifiers we cannot tell But there is Something what it is words will never know. Quote thegateless.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badger11 Posted January 12, 2014 Share Posted January 12, 2014 I sense you have become a blank page or I dream you are a blank page Just a suggestion. Agreed. Words have their limitations or at least those who use them do. cheers badge Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_con Posted January 12, 2014 Author Share Posted January 12, 2014 Thanks for stopping in Badge! Excellent suggestions, but the conclusion was deliberately hinted at in the first lines. Meaning, that 'in this case' the awkwardness of the opening (Which is 'correct') sets one up for the conclusion- The need to rewrite that opening line is part of what the thematic structure of the piece is about- Now I am 'mostly' unaware of my egregious errors, but in this case your response is exactly what I was looking for;-) So thanks for playing! I sincerely appreciate the review and my own thoughts being confirmed. As always, many many thanks! Juris Quote thegateless.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 Striking in its sparseness. The right mix of b&w and color -- like a Helnwein painting or photograph. Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_con Posted January 16, 2014 Author Share Posted January 16, 2014 Wow Thanks Tony- Blushing (in B&W, of course) Juris Quote thegateless.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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