dcmarti1 Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 Having boudain for breakfast, or crying in my eggsThe years have been but twenty-sixYet still I cannot find that placeOf wood, of mist, of crown and tricks,Where you're the prince who hid his face.The troubadours can sing of timeAnd every light-filled, portioned space,For any room will be sublimeWhere you're the prince who hides his face.The warship's travels could not strikeUpon my love nor it disgrace:My past and future -both alike-Where you're the prince who'll hide his face.The song “These Dreams” by Heart was the inspiration for the repeating end line of this kyrielle. I took the liberty of changing the verb "hide" to its 3 tenses. A 2002 remake, even more beautiful than the 80s original: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_con Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 Very Enjoyable -- from beginning to end and the title and structure a delight! Nice tired Monday smile! Juris Quote thegateless.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dcmarti1 Posted February 3, 2014 Author Share Posted February 3, 2014 Very Enjoyable -- from beginning to end and the title and structure a delight! Nice tired Monday smile! Juris Thanks! I wanted the title to be as indirect or abstract as to the real intent of the poem: unrequited love. I heard the song on an oldies station the other day; first time in, well, decades. The IDEA came immediately, but the rhyme took a bit. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fdelano Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 A bonus in getting to know poets, is how their choice of words reveals their past and passions. It's likely we all could identify the writing of others without a signature. For me, Marti, this stanza should be named "Marti." The troubadours can sing of time And every light-filled, portioned space, For any room will be sublime Where you're the prince who hides his face. Oh, the poem is very lyrical. Nice work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dcmarti1 Posted February 4, 2014 Author Share Posted February 4, 2014 A bonus in getting to know poets, is how their choice of words reveals their past and passions. It's likely we all could identify the writing of others without a signature. For me, Marti, this stanza should be named "Marti." The troubadours can sing of time And every light-filled, portioned space, For any room will be sublime Where you're the prince who hides his face. Oh, the poem is very lyrical. Nice work. And an "oh, thank you" to you. :) You, sir, are gracious. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fdelano Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 Don't you think you should change your handle to TexMarti? ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dcmarti1 Posted February 4, 2014 Author Share Posted February 4, 2014 Don't you think you should change your handle to TexMarti? ;) DC could mean Deacon Canon, both of which ordinations I hold. I HAVE to be back in Texas for some family responsibilities, I don't WANT to be here..... txmarti1.....not in this or any of the parallel universes. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fdelano Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 Marti, I hope you did not take my response to your poem as being flippant. If so, I apologize. Not my intent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dcmarti1 Posted February 6, 2014 Author Share Posted February 6, 2014 Oh, NO!! :) I was just stressing how much I would rather be in my other home of DC. No offense taken. W. Somerset Maugham said, "The only thing that offends me is cruelty." Take care, mon frere. Marti Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank E Gibbard Posted February 6, 2014 Share Posted February 6, 2014 I found this a wonderful example of rhyme and rhythm much to my liking, well done Marti. Frank Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dcmarti1 Posted February 6, 2014 Author Share Posted February 6, 2014 I found this a wonderful example of rhyme and rhythm much to my liking, well done Marti. Frank Thank you, Frank. Glad you enjoyed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benjamin Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 A subtle, well crafted and meaningful piece. I like the choice of language and title... enjoyed the song, like the poem, more than once. G. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dcmarti1 Posted February 9, 2014 Author Share Posted February 9, 2014 A subtle, well crafted and meaningful piece. I like the choice of language and title... enjoyed the song, like the poem, more than once. G. Yo, G. Thanks. I am sure the Wilson sisters of the band Heart were more enjoyable to look at than my mug. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dedalus Posted February 11, 2014 Share Posted February 11, 2014 Very nice, indeed! I'm glad you spent time on the rhymes since they make all the difference. Quote Drown your sorrows in drink, by all means, but the real sorrows can swim Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dcmarti1 Posted February 12, 2014 Author Share Posted February 12, 2014 Very nice, indeed! I'm glad you spent time on the rhymes since they make all the difference. Thanks. Glad you enjoyed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 Very lovely, Marti. I'm excited that a song was instrumental (pun intended) in the composition of this poem. Music means a lot to me, too, and often inspires me. The poem definitely says unrequited love, but there's also a sense of being at ease with oneself, one's feelings and decisions, especially when it comes to the warship and the past/future references. The warship especially I can almost positively conclude is something drawn from the author's personal history. Yes, I'm old enough to remember when this song and others by these veteran rockers were new. Wait, there's nothing wrong with that! Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dcmarti1 Posted February 18, 2014 Author Share Posted February 18, 2014 The warship especially I can almost positively conclude is something drawn from the author's personal history. Tony Warship.....I was, we were, in the Navy together on a ship in Norfolk. Devastating and unrequited love. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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