dedalus Posted February 11, 2014 Share Posted February 11, 2014 down along the riverrun bawdy, sometimes she leaves her lights on and she opens her window a wee little crack, so as to let the ghosts get in, and to let the ghosts get back; sometimes she leaves her lights on all bright in a surrounding sea of black, and the ghosts float in and take their ease late in the long and lonely nights, pale disembodied memories. -------------------------------------- all along the riverrun bawdy, she sometimes leaves her lights on then opens her window a wee little crack, so as to let the ghosts get in and let the ghosts get back; sometimes she leaves her lights on, all bright in a surrounding sea of black along the river rank and tawdry, and the ghosts float in and take their ease, pale disembodied memories. --------------------------------------- all along the riverrun bawdy, she sometimes leaves her lights on then opens her window a wee little crack, so as to let the ghosts get in and let the ghosts get back sometimes she leaves her lights on, bright in the surrounding sea of black by a river both rank and bawdy, and the ghosts float in and take their ease, pale disembodied memories. Quote Drown your sorrows in drink, by all means, but the real sorrows can swim Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dcmarti1 Posted February 11, 2014 Share Posted February 11, 2014 all bright in a surrounding sea of black, You can see her cottage lights, maybe electric or even just candles, against the whole darkness by the river. These ghosts seem comforting, not spooky or poltergeist-ish at all. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_con Posted February 11, 2014 Share Posted February 11, 2014 An unusually short piece by your standard;-) but rich and dripping with clear images. Very good. Of course, I'm biased see riverrun and automatically append ' past eve and adams from bend of shore to curve of bay by commodius vicus of recircculation' ;-) Thoroughly enjoyed. Juris Quote thegateless.org Come on over and check out my poetry substack y'all;-) Or if your bored, head to the Zazzle store: https://www.zazzle.com/store/gateless. If you buy anything I lose a bet, so consider that before you violate the digital rules. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 Three interesting versions. I think I like the top version best. The second verse of the middle version is good, too. I can picture the cottage with its lights and open windows, the river in the blackness of the night, the entire almost paganish scene. Very much enjoyed. Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_con Posted February 19, 2014 Share Posted February 19, 2014 This IMO- deserves a bump;-) J Quote thegateless.org Come on over and check out my poetry substack y'all;-) Or if your bored, head to the Zazzle store: https://www.zazzle.com/store/gateless. If you buy anything I lose a bet, so consider that before you violate the digital rules. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benjamin Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 I like the second version best. The imagery is consistent and with a fluency of language that's to my taste particularly in the second stanza. B. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fdelano Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 First version word choice creates the mood and images better for me. Your work is akin to Van Gogh's; no need for a signature. Enjoyed and hopefully learned something. Thanks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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