Jump to content
Poetry Magnum Opus

fionnuala (x3)


dedalus
 Share

Recommended Posts

down along the riverrun bawdy,

sometimes she leaves her lights on

and she opens her window a wee little crack,

so as to let the ghosts get in,

and to let the ghosts get back;

sometimes she leaves her lights on

all bright in a surrounding sea of black,

and the ghosts float in and take their ease

late in the long and lonely nights,

pale disembodied memories.

--------------------------------------

all along the riverrun bawdy,

she sometimes leaves her lights on

then opens her window a wee little crack,

so as to let the ghosts get in

and let the ghosts get back;

sometimes she leaves her lights on,

all bright in a surrounding sea of black

along the river rank and tawdry,

and the ghosts float in and take their ease,

pale disembodied memories.

---------------------------------------

all along the riverrun bawdy,
she sometimes leaves her lights on
then opens her window a wee little crack,
so as to let the ghosts get in
and let the ghosts get back

sometimes she leaves her lights on,
bright in the surrounding sea of black
by a river both rank and bawdy,
and the ghosts float in and take their ease,
pale disembodied memories.

Drown your sorrows in drink, by all means, but the real sorrows can swim

Link to comment
Share on other sites

all bright in a surrounding sea of black,

 

You can see her cottage lights, maybe electric or even just candles, against the whole darkness by the river. These ghosts seem comforting, not spooky or poltergeist-ish at all. :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

An unusually short piece by your standard;-) but rich and dripping with clear images. Very good. Of course, I'm biased see riverrun and automatically append ' past eve and adams from bend of shore to curve of bay by commodius vicus of recircculation' ;-)

 

Thoroughly enjoyed.

 

Juris

thegateless.org Come on over and check out my poetry substack y'all;-) Or if your bored, head to the Zazzle store: https://www.zazzle.com/store/gateless. If you buy anything I lose a bet, so consider that before you violate the digital rules.

 

Gate(less.png

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Three interesting versions. I think I like the top version best. The second verse of the middle version is good, too.

 

I can picture the cottage with its lights and open windows, the river in the blackness of the night, the entire almost paganish scene. Very much enjoyed.

 

Tony

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I like the second version best. The imagery is consistent and with a fluency of language that's to my taste particularly in the second stanza. B.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

First version word choice creates the mood and images better for me. Your work is akin to Van Gogh's; no need for a signature. Enjoyed and hopefully learned something. Thanks.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Guidelines.