fionnuala (x3)

[dedalus]

down along the riverrun bawdy,

sometimes she leaves her lights on

and she opens her window a wee little crack,

so as to let the ghosts get in,

and to let the ghosts get back;

sometimes she leaves her lights on

all bright in a surrounding sea of black,

and the ghosts float in and take their ease

late in the long and lonely nights,

pale disembodied memories.

--------------------------------------

all along the riverrun bawdy,

she sometimes leaves her lights on

then opens her window a wee little crack,

so as to let the ghosts get in

and let the ghosts get back;

sometimes she leaves her lights on,

all bright in a surrounding sea of black

along the river rank and tawdry,

and the ghosts float in and take their ease,

pale disembodied memories.

---------------------------------------

all along the riverrun bawdy,
she sometimes leaves her lights on
then opens her window a wee little crack,
so as to let the ghosts get in
and let the ghosts get back

sometimes she leaves her lights on,
bright in the surrounding sea of black
by a river both rank and bawdy,
and the ghosts float in and take their ease,
pale disembodied memories.

[dcmarti1]

all bright in a surrounding sea of black,

 

You can see her cottage lights, maybe electric or even just candles, against the whole darkness by the river. These ghosts seem comforting, not spooky or poltergeist-ish at all. :)

[dr_con]

An unusually short piece by your standard;-) but rich and dripping with clear images. Very good. Of course, I'm biased see riverrun and automatically append ' past eve and adams from bend of shore to curve of bay by commodius vicus of recircculation' ;-)

 

Thoroughly enjoyed.

 

Juris

[tonyv]

Three interesting versions. I think I like the top version best. The second verse of the middle version is good, too.

 

I can picture the cottage with its lights and open windows, the river in the blackness of the night, the entire almost paganish scene. Very much enjoyed.

 

Tony

[dr_con]

This IMO- deserves a bump;-)

 

J

[Benjamin]

I like the second version best. The imagery is consistent and with a fluency of language that's to my taste particularly in the second stanza. B.

[fdelano]

First version word choice creates the mood and images better for me. Your work is akin to Van Gogh's; no need for a signature. Enjoyed and hopefully learned something. Thanks.