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Poetry Magnum Opus

Harum Scarum And Revenge (more ancient humour)


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Sooty was our chimney sweep who doubled as grave-digger.

Dug 'em long and six foot deep, three foot wide and bigger.

He pulled a cart behind his bike, with tools of trade aboard:

rods and brushes, spades and spikes, tied up with bits of cord.


And ev'ry lunchtime at the pub his bike was plain to see,

'cos he'd be there for ale and grub and a bit o' company.

We'd not seen him with a clean face, he always looked black-bright;

sweeping his chimneys during days-- then digging-- late at night.


We followed him just for a lark, Saturday after tea;

entered a graveyard after dark-- me-- and the gang of three.

We hid behind an old gravestone and watched him dig a hole;

then Jim 'n' me began to moan like 'things' without a soul.


But wind and shadows played their tricks with lantern-on-a-pole;

'cos when he stood up double-quick, he looked near ten foot tall.

His head was like a skeleton-- all glowing-- creepy green;

he chased us with a spade and ran-- like nowt we'd ever seen.


Smudge and Peewee (jet-propelled) fled off into the dark.

Jim 'n' me vanished as well, into the local park.

We heard him laugh singing, "Dem Bones!" As he cantered on by.

"'Twas just the mask of a skeleton, but it made ya buggers fly!"


Away from Sergeant Fubso's gaze and absent from confession;

we showed him that it didn't pay to be with us a-messin'.

Lurking outside the Dog And Duck-- next day, to give him 'hump';

we let his bike tyres down 'for luck' and made off with the pump.

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Jolly good, indeed! I loved the bouncing rhyme scheme. On a slightly negative note (as a chap who enjoys writing stories himself) you need to cast your net a wee bit wider for character names!! I'll allow you Smudge and Jim - but Sooty and Peewee?? Lord, love a duck ....


Best wishes, Bren

Drown your sorrows in drink, by all means, but the real sorrows can swim

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Just one of a score or more pieces I wrote more than a decade ago in a local dialect form, about four scallywags. I've diluted the dialect here for obvious reasons and posted it as gentle humour. There's such a lot of terrible and momentous things going on in the world at the moment that an odd smile or two won't go amiss. Rather like the cartoons in a newspaper. :smile: Your comments are much appreciated. Geoff.

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