Jump to content
Poetry Magnum Opus

November (a revision)


Recommended Posts

Countless brown needles trample everywhere:

and pine cones rolling down a hectic street

can't tempt wise pets into the wind whipped rain.


Both old and young cling on to hats and skirts:

try not to run as gusts of flying leaves

lash prams and twist umbrellas fragile frames.


And flooded gutters, where schoolchildren dare

to splash, oblivious of sodden feet,

are playgrounds to their guardians chagrin.


The dry days fade in doodles of wet streaks

down a shop window; prematurely lit

with Christmas lights that wish time on again,


resemble faces on old maps, that blow

a cold reminder to precede the snow.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Geoff, I like this sonnet painting a vivid picture of the season. I have to admit it took me a few reads to get the subject of the imagery in the last couplet. I think the punctuation threw me off. But once I got it I loved the perspective.



~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~

For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks Tink. I've had a couple of goes at shaping this one and began to think a sonnet was perhaps not quite right for the imagery I wanted to project. Your positive feedback is much appreciated.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Nice rolling rhythms, but I'm a bit concerned about the (over) abundance of adjectives.

Drown your sorrows in drink, by all means, but the real sorrows can swim

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Guidelines.