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Poetry Magnum Opus

Rebirth


eclipse
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The earth was dreaming about a moon not yet

born, when I entered its dream as a ghost

with the moon in my eyes in silhouette

held by the creator who joins me to toast

the birth of a new moon that dreams of a

sun collapsing. The earth, moon and sun dream

in unison giving me form, I whistle

forever sounds of fire dying, embers teem,

welding an impulse within the progeny.

Paintings and compositions allude in

multitude to resurrection. Adroitly

the creator completes his masterpiece, herein

a man on a cross. I will bring my progeny

to fruition and amend an impulse eternally.



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  • 2 weeks later...

Progeny and adroitly? Masterful rhyme.

 

And "moon not yet born?" Ooooo, very nice.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Remarkably vivid and musically lovely. You have great vocabulary. I love the use of "progeny," but I think you should use it only once in this poem, either in L9 or L13. A one-syllable synonym would work well in the other line or even two syllables like you have: "within its fruit," or "within my issue." .

 

Tony

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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