Benjamin Posted January 22, 2015 Share Posted January 22, 2015 silently and in the dark I row till at last the hull slides into mud ebb tide strains through reeds that whisper conversations with the angry tones of nearby trees and I creep ashore past where the dead walk in the dead of night and refuse to leave their blessed earth though life is for the living of.. I mouth a prayer to remain safe and anonymous but very soon they'll know that I'm here 2 silently and in the dark I row till at last the hull slides into mud ebb tide streams through wavering reeds that exchange their tones of whispers with nearby trees and I creep ashore past where the dead walk in the dead of night and refuse to leave their blessed earth though life is for the living of.. I mouth a prayer to remain safe and anonymous but very soon they'll know that I'm here Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted January 22, 2015 Share Posted January 22, 2015 An interesting application of meter that somehow seems to be the perfect choice for this eerie poem. In my reading, the speaker is the ferryman. Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benjamin Posted January 23, 2015 Author Share Posted January 23, 2015 An experiment of metaphor and ambiguity simply written. A dream work even, that could relate to antiquity: Odysseus in the land of the dead maybe, or an invader intent on displacing indigenous culture... or perhaps even a modern illegal alien. Then again it could be just contemplation of the real and the intangible. The nature of death... and paranoia in a maelstrom of thoughts that pass through a mind from both past and present. I like your use of the word "eerie" for it is well suited to this short piece. Thanks for looking in Tony. Best wishes, Geoff. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dcmarti1 Posted January 24, 2015 Share Posted January 24, 2015 angry tones of nearby trees Poe, Lovecraft, Serling, King.....MOVE OVER! Loved that line. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badger11 Posted January 24, 2015 Share Posted January 24, 2015 ebb tide streams through reeds that converse with the whisper of nearby trees Enjoyed B. In the eerie context would it be a thought to tone down the 'angry' ? all the best badge Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dedalus Posted January 25, 2015 Share Posted January 25, 2015 Yes, it was eerie ... but it opened up any number of possibilities! Quote Drown your sorrows in drink, by all means, but the real sorrows can swim Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benjamin Posted January 25, 2015 Author Share Posted January 25, 2015 Thanks for the feedback guys. I'll take another look at that line Badge and consider an alternative option. G. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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