Benjamin Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 1 Swallows fly from lands beyond all tears; past totems, terraces and minarets. Welcome invaders.. following the sun to join a stateless lengthening of days. Springtime is early, yet no one knows why: but horses, still unsure, graze in their coats. And tractors, snail their mud trails on the road, eager to leave cold gloomy days behind. Our blue and yellow ribbons of hyacinths and daffodils.. weave through the dormant grass; brown-grained with mulch, from freshly lumbered trees, whose scents lift poet's words to more than just a wailing wall for wintry thoughts,where dirge and lamentation are recited. 2 Swallows fly from lands beyond all tears: past totems, terraces and minarets. Benign invaders.. following the sun to join a stateless putsch of longer days. Springtime is early, yet no one knows why: but horses, still unsure, graze in their coats, and tractors.. snail their mud trails on the road for drivers, keen to leave the cold behind. Blue and yellow ribbons of hyacinths and daffodils, weave through the dormant grass: brown-grained with mulch from freshly lumbered trees; whose scents lift poet's words to more than just a wailing wall for winter-driven thoughts, where dirge and lamentation are recited. 3 Swallows fly from lands beyond all tears: past totems, terraces and minarets. Benign invaders .. following the sun to join a stateless lengthening of days. Springtime is early yet no one knows why: but horses, still unsure, graze in their coats.. and tractors, snail their mud trails on the road for drivers.. keen to leave the cold behind. Blue and yellow ribbons of hyacinths and daffodils, weave through the dormant grass: brown-grained with mulch from lumbered trees; whose scents can lift a poet's words, from more than just a wailing wall for winter-driven thoughts, where dirge and lamentation are recited. 4 Swallows fly from lands beyond all tears: past totems, terraces and minarets. Benign invaders.. following the sun to join a stateless lengthening of days. Springtime is early yet no one knows why: but horses, still unsure, graze in their coats, and tractors.. snail their mud trails on the road for drivers, keen to leave the cold behind. Blue and yellow ribbons of hyacinths and daffodils, weave through the dormant grass: brown-grained with mulch from lumbered oaks and elms; whose scents lift poet's words to more than just a wailing wall for winter-driven thoughts, where dirge and lamentation are recited. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dcmarti1 Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 Either mythic or mystic, I am not sure, but I love this: past totems, terraces and minarets Absolutely redolent is this: brown-grained with mulch, from freshly lumbered trees Great! But I think that should be a comma and a lower case "whose" right after.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eclipse Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 superbly seasonal Benjamin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benjamin Posted March 30, 2015 Author Share Posted March 30, 2015 Thanks Marti. and Barry It's another 3.am procession... an insomniacs meanderings of the previous day. Had to net it quickly just in case the words (like politician's) flew off with the birds... Now there's a thought. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badger11 Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 Heartfelt and vivid B. Worth a tidy. all the best badge Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benjamin Posted March 30, 2015 Author Share Posted March 30, 2015 Thanks badge I'll certainly give it some more time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted April 3, 2015 Share Posted April 3, 2015 Hi Geoff, I am glad I popped in to read just one poem this morning before getting on with my day and I chose this one. Best way to start a day, reading a beautiful poem like this. One that opens the mind to all possibilities. Each painted image brought another to my mind. Thank you so much.~~Tink Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benjamin Posted April 4, 2015 Author Share Posted April 4, 2015 Your words are much appreciated Tink. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. G. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badger11 Posted April 4, 2015 Share Posted April 4, 2015 hi B. I prefer to join a stateless lengthening of days. to to join a stateless putsch of longer days. I like those 'l' sounds. Not sure about a wailing wall for wintry thoughts,where dirge and lamentation are recited. or a wailing wall for winter-driven thoughts, where dirge and lamentation are recited. Kinda like both Perhaps more symmetry in the second. brown-grained with mulch, from freshly lumbered trees, whose scents lift poet's words to more than just Do you need freshly or that comma after mulch? Either way a very enjoyable read. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benjamin Posted April 5, 2015 Author Share Posted April 5, 2015 Thanks for your time and valuable feedback badge. Will consider these points carefully in my next revision. Best... B. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_con Posted April 5, 2015 Share Posted April 5, 2015 Absolutely Lovely, truly a Breath of Fresh air! Enjoyed a great deal, would even recommend removing all the punctuation -- Just for a Lark (or a swallow) To see how it reads;-) Loved this profound simplicity: horses still unsure, graze in their coats. Appreciation! Juris Quote thegateless.org Come on over and check out my poetry substack y'all;-) Or if your bored, head to the Zazzle store: https://www.zazzle.com/store/gateless. If you buy anything I lose a bet, so consider that before you violate the digital rules. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benjamin Posted April 7, 2015 Author Share Posted April 7, 2015 Thanks Juris... Prompted by your March Binghamton New York 2015 G. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badger11 Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 brown-grained with mulch from lumbered oaks and elms; whose scents lift poet's words to more than just Just a thought B. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benjamin Posted April 8, 2015 Author Share Posted April 8, 2015 Thanks badge. A subtle change that also adds positivity to the ensuing cadence... will give it another look. Cheers. B. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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