Benjamin Posted April 21, 2015 Posted April 21, 2015 Here is no myth, no anvil for an ancient limping god: but night teemed slag that splits the air in two. Vivid bursts of orange fire, that paint the base of moon topped cloud, then dwindle as each stroke is pacified. And flakes of sparkling graphite waft inside the galleries of eerie mills; fall constantly past halogen haloes of cruel light. The boom and roar of background noise prevails and burnt coke gases climb through twisted air. Giants in the rooftops shift and shake the steel-clad heights. Grumbling and then rumbling with their liquid tonnes of ladled steel. Figures of men, fiendishly dressed, work on around the clock and curse each passing day with fine grey dust that falls on everything. And in the town their inept siblings, strive so hard for individuality, yet they all still end up looking just the same. Scurrying about their busy ways: ubiquitous cell-phones cupped onto ears, where eye-contact at all cost is avoided. Young and old, all old under the skin... Fast-food outlets ply eclectic wares among the pub infested streets, and music pounds from passing open-windowed cars. Refuse-disposal trucks beep through the alleys: tilt up in exultation to the gods as though to claim their immortality. Then shrink back flaccidly... accept a lot much more befitting of this modern age, with fine grey dust that falls on everything. Quote
dcmarti1 Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 Oh, wow: burnt coke gases climb through twisted air So vivid it is amost disturbing. And this: tilt up in exultation to the gods as though to claim their immortality. Garbage trucks! Love the dichotomy. Oh, and of course I LOVE the repeating end line. Call me formulaic, but it strengthens the tone. Quote
Benjamin Posted April 22, 2015 Author Posted April 22, 2015 Thanks marti: The romance of Hephaestus and his ilk are a far cry from the engine rooms of modern living. Quote
dr_con Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 Stunning Geoff! This is a fine, fine piece, its immediacy is well crafted, its message clear, although, I would argue It is a Myth reinvented, redacted and as you say, reduced to a fine white powder;-) It inspired my 'Grand Jury' poem, but as so many of my poems do, I started with a sentence you helped me hear, and then the poem became something else entirely! ;-) Well done;-) Juris Quote thegateless.org
Benjamin Posted April 23, 2015 Author Posted April 23, 2015 Thanks Juris: this has evolved from an experiment with assonance, sibilance and alliteration into what I'd hoped would be an imaginative spoken piece. Geoff. Quote
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