dedalus Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 i. the sudden sick feeling of lost control a kaleidoscopic flashing by of images the frantic squeal of brakes, a torrent of horns a fracture of stillness surrounded by silence a last prayer of regret and resignation ii. a glint of sun on cars far below a stiff breeze, quite surprisingly chilly a silly pop song going around my brain my marriage ring on a flattened handkerchief a group of tiny people gazing up iii. a flat metallic taste in the water a cascade of pills on the bedsheet a pain in my chest to remind me my ears cocked for outside noises my iPod paused on "Floo'ers o' the Forest" iv. a bare platform absent of people a separate bag for ID, note, flowers a long letter to my parents a lighter for a last lonely cigarette all the cash I possess, in amends v. deep and cold night-time waters a concrete block strapped to my belt no boats or people in view lights of the highway over my shoulder a heavy sweater to help things along Quote Drown your sorrows in drink, by all means, but the real sorrows can swim Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dcmarti1 Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 a concrete block strapped to my belt Like a ton o' bricks, it did.....Unexpected. Sad, but artful. Very surprising. no boats or people in view His concern here somehow reminds me of the ending of Hedda Gabler, "What will the neighbors think!?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benjamin Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 Impressive use of show-not-tell. The five stanzas are individually and collectively excellent and imaginative in their common theme. The title evoked a sixth (if somewhat incongruous) thought for me in that Woody Allen quip: "I'm not afraid of dying... I just don't want to be there when it happens!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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