Benjamin Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 it's ages since I heard your name paddled canoes in the same mill pond then went our ways and ne-er the twain until the crematorium a packed house with no room to spare and each of us a tale to tell of what a bloody rogue you were but how you always made us smile some said you'd not amount to much though I can't help feeling envious of your energy and magic touch as I look across the centre pews that seat your smiling well kept brides one Scot one English and two Thais Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dedalus Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 Killer final line !!! Very jolly for an elegy but I'm sure "the departed" would have approved. Quote Drown your sorrows in drink, by all means, but the real sorrows can swim Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dcmarti1 Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 Not exactly like, but reminded me of (for some reason), Spoon River Anthology. Clever construction. My obit won't be this neat! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benjamin Posted July 7, 2015 Author Share Posted July 7, 2015 Irreverently humorous, but so was he.. With hindsight... "No flowers please and just bright clothes!" Would have made a more apt title. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David W. Parsley Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 Hi Geoff, the shift to tetrameter well suits this light-hearted "sonnet light." Good combination of slant-rhyme and assonance with feminine and hermaphrodite rhyme, heightening the sense of surprise and whimsy. Cute and naughty, with just enough nostalgia. Enjoyed, - Dave Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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