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Poetry Magnum Opus

ventriloquist earth


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One human life, a tear falling from Ventriloquist earth, the stuttering Breath of solipsism chuntering About war. A whale screams In the ocean, a tear that briefly Belongs to death, time his hand puppet.

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David W. Parsley

Hi Barry, very original as always, and strange. Other. It feels refreshingly crafted, and could still use more. Try to eliminate as many 'a's and 'the's as you can.

 

The repeated "tear" can work, but may benefit from acknowledging and even justifying the repetition. For example:

 

` like all tears, briefly belonging to death

` another such tear

etc.

 

Nice,

- Dave

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