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Sunset's Tango - a Roundel


Tinker
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Sunset's Tango

When sundown sings and airs its crimson glow,
the covert clouds that float on winsome wings
will join to dance, romance, adagio,
when sundown sings.

Into the grey-blue sea slides the golden ring
while the falling night plays the gigolo
and woos the sleepy stars awakenings.

The sunset's tango advances smooth and slow
in fuchsia, reds and golds that bleed and cling
to the gliding dancers of twilight's nightly show,
while sundown sings.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -​~~Judi Van Gorder

~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~

For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com

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David W. Parsley

Hi Tink, I love the way this sounds and moves, the erotic edge. I may simply misunderstand parts of the poem, but it seems to contain some mixed metaphors.

 

- Dave

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HI Dave, Help where why mixed metaphors? This was written long ago on tetrameter and was full of cliches. I worked at extending to pentameter and eliminating cliche phrases for more descriptive creative phrases. Are you referring to sundown sings while the colors dance? I was embarrassed to read my original but I rather like the rewrite. But I am very open to improving it further.

 

Thanks, Judi

~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~

For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com

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