Jump to content
Poetry Magnum Opus

Sonnet challenge


badger11

Recommended Posts

1. 14 lines to be written!

 

 

I'll begin and hopefully others will add (if not I'll write another line in a few days)

 

 

Line1

 

That day she chose to ride beyond the wall

Link to post
Share on other sites

Well, here's L1 followed by L2 which I came up with last night but was reluctant to post for its reliance on adjectives. But okay, it's really what I wanted to say, and perhaps this is a first draft?

 

 

That day she chose to ride beyond the wall

to the dark edge of the vast wilderness

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

Link to post
Share on other sites

:biggrin: definitely a first draft - hopefully others will join in!

 

L3:

 

That day she chose to ride beyond the wall
to the dark edge of the vast wilderness;
at nightfall wolves gathered at her call

Link to post
Share on other sites

Here's L4:

 

 

That day she chose to ride beyond the wall
to the dark edge of the vast wilderness
by nightfall wolves had gathered at her call

beneath the vault decked out in evening dress.

 

 

(I tweaked L3 for the IP -- hope that's okay ... ) :blush:

hmmm ... or perhaps "adorned in evening dress" ...

What do you think?

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

Link to post
Share on other sites

 

(I tweaked L3 for the IP -- hope that's okay ... ) :blush:

hmmm ... or perhaps "adorned in evening dress" ...

What do you think?

 

Sure, there may be a few more future tweaks :smile: No preference on adorned or decked out: one is elevated, one is grounded.

Link to post
Share on other sites

 

 

(I tweaked L3 for the IP -- hope that's okay ... ) :blush:

hmmm ... or perhaps "adorned in evening dress" ...

What do you think?

 

Sure, there may be a few more future tweaks :smile: No preference on adorned or decked out: one is elevated, one is grounded.

 

 

Well, in that case let's go elevated:

 

 

That day she chose to ride beyond the wall

to the dark edge of the vast wilderness

by nightfall wolves had gathered at her call

beneath a vault adorned in evening dress.

 

 

I also changed "the" in L4 to "a." :wink:

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

Link to post
Share on other sites

L5

 

That day she chose to ride beyond the wall
to the dark edge of the vast wilderness,
by nightfall wolves had gathered at her call

beneath a vault adorned in evening dress.

A great gray owl swoops low over the steppes

 

 

 

I've dropped in a comma after L2, a semi-colon or full-stop could be other options?

Link to post
Share on other sites

I've dropped in a comma after L2, a semi-colon or full-stop could be other options?

 

It's one sentence. I don't know for sure whether a comma is called for, but I would venture to guess, if anything, at most a comma is in order.

 

 

L6:

 

That day she chose to ride beyond the wall

to the dark edge of the vast wilderness,

by nightfall wolves had gathered at her call

beneath a vault adorned in evening dress.

A great gray owl swoops low over the steppes

as a black he-goat takes the lead in dance.

 

 

 

I'm going to suggest we finish out the second quatrain line for line as we have been, that we each do two consecutive lines in the third quatrain, and that we each do a line in the couplet. You take L7, I'll take L8, you take L9 & L10, I'll take L11 & L12, and then we each take one in the couplet. How's that sound?

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

Link to post
Share on other sites

 

I've dropped in a comma after L2, a semi-colon or full-stop could be other options?

 

It's one sentence. I don't know for sure whether a comma is called for, but I would venture to guess, if anything, at most a comma is in order.

 

 

L6:

 

That day she chose to ride beyond the wall

to the dark edge of the vast wilderness,

by nightfall wolves had gathered at her call

beneath a vault adorned in evening dress.

A great gray owl swoops low over the steppes

as a black he-goat takes the lead in dance.

 

 

 

I'm going to suggest we finish out the second quatrain line for line as we have been, that we each do two consecutive lines in the third quatrain, and that we each do a line in the couplet. You take L7, I'll take L8, you take L9 & L10, I'll take L11 & L12, and then we each take one in the couplet. How's that sound?

 

 

 

Ok Tony. Unless, of course, others want to participate. I'm walking in West Wales for the next eight days, but will resume again on my return!

 

best

 

badge

Link to post
Share on other sites

L7

 

That day she chose to ride beyond the wall
to the dark edge of the vast wilderness,
by nightfall wolves had gathered at her call
beneath a vault adorned in evening dress.
A great gray owl swoops low over the steppes
as a black he-goat takes the lead in dance.
Into blue flames the moon-racked pack all leapt

Link to post
Share on other sites
David W. Parsley

L8

 

That day she chose to ride beyond the wall
to the dark edge of the vast wilderness,
by nightfall wolves had gathered at her call
beneath a vault adorned in evening dress.
A great gray owl swoops low over the steppes
as a black he-goat takes the lead in dance.
Into blue flames the moon-racked pack all leapt

in pan flute augury, now lithe, now stanced

Link to post
Share on other sites

Or should I? :smile:

 

 

Badge, thank you very much for offering it to me. I can't see myself getting to it till the end of the week anyways, and there's no need the poem or anyone should wait, so please ... By all means, carry on.

 

Tony :blush:

 

PS -- I loved Dave's line also. :smile:

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

Link to post
Share on other sites

L9-L10

 

That day she chose to ride beyond the wall
to the dark edge of the vast wilderness,
by nightfall wolves had gathered at her call
beneath a vault adorned in evening dress.
A great gray owl swoops low over the steppes
as a black he-goat takes the lead in dance.
Into blue flames the moon-racked pack all leapt

in pan flute augury, now lithe, now stanced.

I turn to ask my Gran for another page,
but hursite hands now grasp the manuscript.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Can I play? L11

 

That day she chose to ride beyond the wall

to the dark edge of the vast wilderness,

by nightfall wolves had gathered at her call

beneath a vault adorned in evening dress.

A great gray owl swoops low over the steppes

as a black he-goat takes the lead in dance.

Into blue flames the moon-racked pack all leapt

in pan flute augury, now lithe, now stanced.

I turn to ask my Gran for another page,

but hirsute hands now grasp the manuscript.

My eyes averted, too afraid to engage

~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~

For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com

Link to post
Share on other sites

Excellent Tink. The tension building...L12 anyone? :smile:

 

Tink? Dave? Tony? Marti? Barry? :smile:

 

 

That day she chose to ride beyond the wall

to the dark edge of the vast wilderness,

by nightfall wolves had gathered at her call

beneath a vault adorned in evening dress.

A great gray owl swoops low over the steppes

as a black he-goat takes the lead in dance.

Into blue flames the moon-racked pack all leapt

in pan flute augury, now lithe, now stanced.

I turn to ask my Gran for another page,

but hirsute hands now grasp the manuscript.

My eyes averted, too afraid to engage

a mind that has slipped -- nor is my soul equipped

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

Link to post
Share on other sites

:laugh: ...I'll leave it for a couple of days...I'm hopeful inspiration for the couplet will come to others...perhaps a sharing of the final lines

Link to post
Share on other sites

Some alliteration and near rhyme. The best I can do for now.

 

That day she chose to ride beyond the wall
to the dark edge of the vast wilderness,
by nightfall wolves had gathered at her call
beneath a vault adorned in evening dress.
A great gray owl swoops low over the steppes
as a black he-goat takes the lead in dance.
Into blue flames the moon-racked pack all leapt
in pan flute augury, now lithe, now stanced.
I turn to ask my Gran for another page,
but hirsute hands now grasp the manuscript.
My eyes averted, too afraid to engage

a mind that has slipped -- nor is my soul equipped

 

To face the fate mere words, in vain, encrypt.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Do our words mean what we say? Is there more truth in our silence? History IS a lie if it is truly "written" by the winners. 2016 elections (the lies, the vulgarity, the "stoopidity", the slanders) and Michel Foucault (with some Zinn and Camus) have me not wanting to wake up. No worry, as I always say, "I am too inherently lazy to be self destructive, and too cheap to become an addict."

 

RIP, Frank.

Link to post
Share on other sites

L14:

 

 

That day she chose to ride beyond the wall
to the dark edge of the vast wilderness,
by nightfall wolves had gathered at her call
beneath a vault adorned in evening dress.
A great gray owl swoops low over the steppes
as a black he-goat takes the lead in dance.
Into blue flames the moon-racked pack all leapt
in pan flute augury, now lithe, now stanced.
I turn to ask my Gran for another page,
but hirsute hands now grasp the manuscript.
My eyes averted, too afraid to engage
a mind that has slipped -- nor is my soul equipped
to face the fate mere words, in vain, encrypt
from seed to womb till ash with life-force stripped.
Soliciting a title ... :smile:

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

Link to post
Share on other sites

Playing around with the tense(s):

 

 

That day she chose to ride beyond the wall
to the dark edge of the vast wilderness,
by nightfall wolves had gathered at her call
beneath a vault adorned in evening dress.
A great gray owl swooped low over the steppes
as a black he-goat took the lead in dance.
Into blue flames the moon-racked pack all leapt
in pan flute augury, now lithe, now stanced.
I turn to ask my Gran for another page,
but hirsute hands now grasp the manuscript.
My eyes averted, too afraid to engage
a mind that has slipped -- my soul is ill-equipped
to face a fate mere words, in vain, encrypt
from seed to womb till ash with life-force stripped.
How do all y'all feel about using the past tense for the first two quatrains with a shift to the present tense to mark a turn at the third quatrain and couplet?

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

Link to post
Share on other sites

 

Playing around with the tense(s):

 

 

That day she chose to ride beyond the wall
to the dark edge of the vast wilderness,
by nightfall wolves had gathered at her call
beneath a vault adorned in evening dress.
A great gray owl swooped low over the steppes
as a black he-goat took the lead in dance.
Into blue flames the moon-racked pack all leapt
in pan flute augury, now lithe, now stanced.
I turn to ask my Gran for another page,
but hirsute hands now grasp the manuscript.
My eyes averted, too afraid to engage
a mind that has slipped -- my soul is ill-equipped
to face a fate mere words, in vain, encrypt
from seed to womb till ash with life-force stripped.
How do all y'all feel about using the past tense for the first two quatrains with a shift to the present tense to mark a turn at the third quatrain and couplet?

 

 

sounds good to me :smile:

Link to post
Share on other sites

Badge, I'm liking "Samhain." It certainly fits the motif. I haven't had a chance to give it much thought, but I will this week. In addition to the obvious eerie elements, I also see this poem touching upon matters of mental illness, losing one's mind de to aging, dementia, etc.

 

Also, thank you very much for this sonnet prompt. I've enjoyed the collaboration a lot. When we have a title and completed poem we'll cross-post it in the Member Poetry and Collaborative Works forums.

 

Tony :)

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

Link to post
Share on other sites

My internet access has been down for the last week. I'd love to get cable up here, it comes within a mile of my home but it is not financially conducive to go any further up the mountain so satellite internet is better than dial up. Samhain sounds good but I haven't a clue what it means and right now I'm too tired to google it. With no internet I had to entertain myself somehow so I have been painting my dining room and den for the past 2 days and Tuesday I painted my front door red. Love it.

~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~

For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Guidelines.