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Because I am such a difficult lover


JoelJosol
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To love is difficult, it seems. It is like a puzzling question



whose answer you do not want to chase, but it persists



like a fish swimming inside your head, unable to break out,



just swirling around the edges of your stubborn head.






If your mind were an aquarium, you have drained its water



countless times, leaking it out from eyes, red from heartache,



letting it run down your cheeks. But to you, love is



like your glass of ice tea. You keep on refilling it.






You are hurt, because I am your lover, overbearing



with a demanding voice and you are my PA,



staying close beside me perhaps I needed anything,



forgot something, and you will go fetch it.






I am always in a race, in a hurry, to cross out a list, to get on



the next line but hey whatever it may have seemed,



I did check if you were close behind. There is a happiness



witihn me because you are an open book,






Whose pages are easy to read. You did not hide



behind the words, or stored your feelings until old and rotten,



to let them stink like a dead fish and then dump me in a trash bin.



I thank you for staying away from that open door.






I was not as quick like you with insights, the way I read a book.



I was not as patient, always running to the next word. Wiser now,



I wish no more to often be right. I am fine being in the wrong.



I am OK with slowing down, to avoid hurting you or anyone






Like a car swerving on the fast lane and no time to go either way.



The car ahead did a full stop, too late for what should have been.



If I still remain like a question bobbing in your head, take care of it



like a small fish in the pond of your memories






because even if I were a difficult lover,



you know, you will love me just the same.





(I wrote this to celebrate my wife and I's 30th wedding anniversary. It is addressed to her originally written in Tagalog as spoken poetry. Edited to improve the translation.)

"Words are not things, and yet they are not non-things either." - Ann Lauterbach

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Honest, passionate and good. Deeply enjoyed and wish I could read Tagalog, so that I could read the original. Best!

 

Dr. Con

thegateless.org Come on over and check out my poetry substack y'all;-) Or if your bored, head to the Zazzle store: https://www.zazzle.com/store/gateless. If you buy anything I lose a bet, so consider that before you violate the digital rules.

 

Gate(less.png

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abstrect-christ

i agree with Con. Honesty and passion abound for your wife.

Pinhead

"Unbearable, isn't it? The suffering of strangers, the agony of friends.

There is a secret song at the center of the world, Joey, and its sound is like razors through flesh."

Joey

"I don't believe you."

Pinhead

"Oh come, you can hear its faint echo right now. I'm here to turn up the volume.

To press the stinking face of humanity into the dark blood of its own secret heart."

"There's a starving beast inside my chest
playing with me until he's bored
Then, slowly burying his tusks in my flesh
crawling his way out he rips open old wounds

When I reach for the knife placed on the bedside table
its blade reflects my determined face
to plant it in my chest
and carve a hole so deep it snaps my veins

Hollow me out, I want to feel empty"
-- "Being Able To Feel Nothing" by Oathbreaker

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aBPy3xNwwL8

"Sky turns to a deeper grey

the sun fades by the moon

hell's come from the distant hills

tortures dreams of the doomed

and they pray, yet they prey

and they pray, still they prey"
-- "Still They Prey" by Cough

https://soundcloud.com/relapserecords/sets/cough-still-they-pray

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