Sonnet 5

[Michael Burton]

I've been away from home for a while, but was able to compose this, my fifth sonnet (and second one posted in this forum).

I especially like this sonnet, because in it I feel myself becoming more comfortable with metrical variations. Hope you enjoy.

Sonnet 5

Inclement forecasts will include the rain,
To warn the sickly and the over-worried
To don thick coats, and miss the lightest stains,
Which patient windows never mind, though blurried.
Shouldst thou sink down into my clear-skied arms,
Wrap me with the fresh scents of dry-leav’d flowers, 
Remove me from tempests where nothing harms,
Where just to be is peace, in vacant showers?
No! Purge, and wash out clouded and confus’d
Remembrances of sunlit fallacies:
To thunder-darken’d nimbuses refuse,
And nature’s flowing, undampen’d mood to flee.
          Thou and I shall be soak’d in open air,
          When love with love from storms uncover’d share.
 

[Tinker]

Hi Michael,  I quite like this too.   Beautifully written.   "though blurried" made me smile. 

This is just my opinion but if it were mine, I'd get rid of the archaic language just because it is a Shakespearean Sonnet we don't have to write in the language of his day.  I'd make it current,   Shouldst thou  = Should you  ;  Thou and I = You and I.   Use or discard but I think it would be taken more seriously.

Good read, Thanks,  ~~Tink



 

[tonyv]

Michael, I'm thrilled to see another member who is excited about metrical verse. Though I myself tend to avoid writing in old English for most of the usually stated reasons and because I lack experience with it -- is it thou and I or thee and I? -- I'll express an unpopular preference: I don't necessarily find the use of old English in contemporary verse immediately off-putting. I think that's because some of my favorite poems contain instances of slightly archaic language. Check out Tuckerman's lovely sonnet: From Sonnets, Second Series, XVI. Yes, he lived and wrote in the 1800s, and this poem exhibits but one ringeth. I think your poem would also read nicely with "you" in lieu of "thou," but either way is fine with me. As a near analogy, I'll posit that some people dislike rhyme, perhaps because they think it's archaic. I neither like nor dislike it. It's just a device poets have at their disposal. Even a cliche can work well to serve a purpose. I've used a few deliberately.

Tony