The Forest

[Terry L shuff]

.                          On a country road,

.                       Summer sun intensifies.

.                           Forest now quiet.

[Tinker]

Hi Terry,  I can relate, living on a country road in the Redwoods.  You said you were open to critique so here is my opinion use or discard what ever works for you.

Haiku when written about nature is normally written in very concrete images. It is very focused and detailed.  Articles such a, or the, use up precious syllables. abstracts  such as "intensifies" tell the reader rather than captures the moment in concrete images.  something like:   summer sun scorches small leaf      You need to see it or hear it or feel it or taste it.  You need to show the detail to the reader so they can do the same.   

These were inspired by your poem and my environment.

2017  #48
narrow country road
winds through summer dried hillside
cool creek still trickles
                   ~~jvg

#49
silent forest
waits for crack of widow-maker
Redwoods' summer fall
                         ~~jvg

~~Tink

[JoelJosol]

Hi Terry,

Those are very good points shared by Tink/Judi. 

My insight is that the power of haiku shines when you combine two images that overlaps in a surprising way. You see this in Judi's haiku 2017 #48. There is a contrast of images.

 

[Terry L shuff]

Thanks for these pointers, ill have to go back and read Basho more.  I like his original work , I don't have it down yet. Iam still having trouble with describing and concrete presenation.   differences.   thanks again