Cloud walking

[eclipse]

I can hear in the wind's onomatopoeia the year

I swore I would cross the tees. Angels walk above

cliffs of Falcon clints wearing clouds as slippers,

the crack of thunder the sound of them knocking

on the rivers door.

 

The river Tees is like an untied shoelace. I can

trace the residue from angels treading on grapes,

the waters here where the moon bathes it's spear

throwing it down challenging me to sing and make

a river cry then find a tear placing it on the spear.

 

Could I make the river straight placing the moon's

reflection at it's tip to, then walk straight line with angels

where I would watch them dip there wings. The river's

ghost is fragmented in the rain falling- it brings details

of a dual crossing, when I finally pass over the tees and

leave the earth where I will be reconstructed somewhere

with the lost parts of egglestone abbey. I crossed the footbridge

over London's beck before I lost my eyesight, I can hear the

echo of pipistrelle bats that live in the guam viaduct, they are

like the visions of the Tees that hang in the viaducts of my mind,

I used to drink at the bluebell inn at eaglescliffe, do bats drink

in the dark?.

 

I painted eyes on the wings of a kingfisher, it dives into the reflected

moon and the tear stained spear is collected by the moon, briefly we

have the same coloured eyes, did the river catch it's own reflection?

 

I make a covenant with the darkness, fingers of light wear the river's gloves,

they caress my eyelids hoping to return my sight then take my hand to bathe

under the waters of the high force waterfall.

[Tinker]

 Hi Barry, This poem crisscrosses like the River Tee. There are some really interesting images "could I make the river straight placing the moon's/ reflection at it's tip to, then walk straight ine with angels/ where I could watch them dip there wings."   You might want to fix that last line it is their not there

There is a lot to this poem and it will take a while to absorb it all.

~~Tink

 

[David W. Parsley]

Barry, I like this one, it feels fully fleshed out, felt deeply like a culmination of many meditations.  Highly original, it is a poem that is, more than a poem that means.

Note: I can't tell if all of the spelling and capitalization "anomalies" are intentional.  Some seem to be continuing evidence of a lack of commitment to basic principles of composition.  Is this not the first obligation of a writer?  Perhaps what you share with PMO are only drafts, not the polished display of your ouvre?  Even so, I would not expect that you are looking for us to be your proof readers, but respected peers who can offer feedback on impact, diction and rhythm, effectiveness of symbol, etc.

Regardless, it is always a privilege to read your work.  It is just so unique in tone and insight!

Respectfully,

 - Dave