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Poetry Magnum Opus

Autumn's Encore


Terry L shuff
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Autumn is my favorite season

Natures finest hour.

Kaleidoscope of colors their

No rival can be found.

The rustle and the krackle of

leaves that sacrificed.

Their lives to beautify the paths

We tread to see their best.

The coolness of the air so crisp

The early hours frost.

Renews our spirit and our soul

Anxieties forgot.

And even in the winter months

most bleak and dreary days.

Call for Autumn's Encore

To bow on memories stage.

 

Edited by Terry L shuff
remove commas
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Hi Terry,   Love the "Kaleidoscope of colors "  and I too love the season.  

This is just my opinion so accept or disregard, whatever works for you. Its your poem.  But if this was my poem, I would remove all of the punctuation in the whole poem. Then I would read the poem out loud and only put back the punctuation that is absolutely necessary to make sense of the phrases.  Remember, the end of a line gives a natural pause. There are places you place commas and even a period that make no sense to me.  

This is a nice poem but you cut off its flow with so much unnecessary punctuation.  In poetry think minimal.

~~Tink 

~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~

For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com

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Ok. I'am the student here.    I'll try that method.   Thanks Tink.

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good advice tink, thanks

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  • 1 month later...
Frank Coffman

I see Tinker's comments re: punctuation, but I'll add a few ideas here. With the seasonal emphasis, this relates well to the tradition of Haiku, yet extended in length. The spirit is there. If that is what you're striving for or a free verse base of short line tendencies (although almost all free verse ends up as grammatical units and cadences: word, phrase, clause), How about an even more minimalist approach -- a la Haiku and the Japanese forms.  So: first line "Autumn my favorite season" or simply "Autumn favorite season"? RE: punctuation, I still think Nature's in line two needs the apostrophe for possessive.  Then "kaleidoscope no rival" And so on. Compress the thoughts.

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