First Responder

[Tinker]

First Responder

A breath is smothered, a kitten in
                   a tree top, an unconscious unknown man
in the street, a baby comes early,
                  shots ring out and scatter the clan.
Water rises, fire devours, a family
                  stranded on roof top,  a stolen van,
a store front smashed, body trapped
                  under rubble, all for which you train and plan.
When others flee, you say, "I can".
                                  ~~ Judi Van Gorder 

[badger11]

Valid point Tink. Perhaps one you could lead the reader into by closing the door slightly with an edit to the title? Would First Responder be enough?

best

badge

 

 

[Tinker]

Good point Badge.  As you know I tend to talk too much. When Others Run Away was added after first posting.  I really need to learn to trust my first instincts.  I just cant help tinkering.

~~Tink

[JoelJosol]

This is a nice example of a list poem for me but the way your lines were physically laid out created some tension that mirror the content.  

[Benjamin]

A topical theme with concise imagery that works for me.. A recognition of our emergency services, whose wide ranging duties are so often taken for granted.

On ‎16‎/‎09‎/‎2017 at 6:50 PM, Tinker said:

When others flee, you say I can.

 

[Tinker]

Thanks Joel, I hadn't consciously thought of my poem in the genre of a List or Catalogue poem but you are right.  I was attempting to write an example of a verse form, a Mukhammas.  The original form was used to write Praise poems of an Iman or holy man. The subject has been has expanded since then but in demonstrating the form I felt some of the original intent of the form should be brought forward in any contemporary poem. Counting lines and syllables and adding specific rhyme is not all that the ancient forms offer us. They have a history that shouldn't be lost.

I have a great respect for first responders, I married one and gave birth to one. Besides the love I have for them, I've seen first hand the dangers and sacrifices they've braved for others. I definitely wouldn't call them holy men. ~~smile~~ But they are good men worthy of respect and often unappreciated.

[JoelJosol]

Tinker, my poem "Of dust, paper, and steel" celebrates them too in the lines where I refer to them as "the brave"

"Here, the brave races to a black door, to enter into white, undefined spaces

where no sound escapes, no colors are seen, no memories

of black smoke and the weight of onrushing ground."

 

Thanks for the education on the forms. 

[Tinker]

Thanks Geoff,  As I just replied to Joel, First Responders are near and dear to my heart.

My son, an investigator for Riverside Sheriff Dept was involved, last year in a very scary event where swat was called in.  They were on a routine "knock and talk"  and the guy greeted them with a shotgun then barricaded himself in the house. The whole thing got very intense very quickly with back up called and cops arriving, all with guns drawn, yelling and positioning waiting for swat.  My son had arrested this guy before and knew him , he walked around to the side of the house during this chaos and could partially see the guy through a side window and called out to him, identifying himself and actually talked the guy out without incident. He received an accommodation.  Proud Mama.

Also two friend's of my son's who practically grew up in my home are firemen.  One, just returned from search and rescue deployment to Houston and on the drive home with the equipment caravan, still in Texas they got turned around and sent to Orlando.

It is not just a job, it's a calling.

~~Tink

[Tinker]

Joel, I Iooked for your poem here and couldn't  find it.   I'd love to read it.  Post it please.

~~Tink

[David W. Parsley]

Wow, I am glad I read down through the commentary!  You have every right to proud of your son, makes one humble to read of actions so wise and effective.

 - Dave

[Tinker]

Thanks David,  Yes, I'm very proud of my son, he has also received an accommodation recommended by the Council on Rape for his sensitivity and handling of a rape victim many years ago when he was a patrol officer.   He is a good family man,  a good cop and a man of integrity.  What more could a mother ask for from her son?

~~Tink

[dcmarti1]

Agree with Benjamin. Last line is a clincher.