Holiday Plans

[JoelJosol]

Be like a timber, fallen on your earth,

and wet by the early mist

 

Or be like the vine, spread out and creeping

across your length.

 

I could be the water seeping

into the base of your feet, rising to your knees.

 

I could be the sun, peeking at you

from the clouds

 

Or the rain, pouring down on you,

or the shirt, wet and clinging tight on your body

 

Or the soil, dried on your skin,

if you would let me.

[goldenlangur]

Hi JoelJosol,

 

 

Love your opening image - wonderfully concrete and with a resonance reaching beyond. You use elements of nature in images which are vivid to build up and suggest an erotic union.

 

The spareness of the lines work well here.

 

goldenlangur

[Lake]

Joel,

 

Lovely. Your title almost misled me as a list of things to do. On the contrary your poem is very lyrical. I find all the stanzas except S3 are in two lines, what if S3 is also written in two lines, would that be a couplet poem? Just a thought.

 

Thanks for the read.

Lake

[Aleksandra]

Wonderful poem. Joel, this is very poetical and sounds lovely. The imageries are so clear and with clear idea.

Expressions works so well and gives some joy in a soul.

 

I love this poem

 

Aleksandra

[JoelJosol]

Thank you, GL, Lake, and Aleks for your feedback and appreciation. Lake, I took up your suggestion and it still works.

[tonyv]

I like how your poem shows an intense sense of longing, like the other person is, could be, or should be the narrator's whole world. That sentiment is summed up perfectly in the last line: if you would let me. Great title, too!

 

Tony

[douglas]

this is beautiful! so romantic and open and vulnerable. very enjoyable to read and i like the way you have incorporated various natural elements into the poem - in a sense you are saying that you could be your beloved's all...

[pawn shop]

I love the new photo of you.....

now I can see the sensual poet from lands far away.