douglas Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 and so it grew a swollen cancerous collection of justifications and arrogance sapping the energy from those who knew you and so destructive was this spell this internal force that its pull could be felt thousands of kilometers away and you became lost within yourself your soul growing dark and destructive as this malignancy of spirit took full possession of you and your eyes darkened and your spine bent and your lips thinned and your chi leaked like black oil from a corroded pipe. Quote To receive love, you have to give it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 Pride is such a powerful word, Douglas. By using it for the title, you set the bar high. It grew, and you start out with a negative personification of "it" -- a swollen cancerous collection of justifications and arrogance sapping the energy from those who knew you -- which you somehow, ever so subtly, offset by calling it a "spell," an "internal force" so powerful, that its pull could be felt thousands of kilometers away. I love when vast distances themselves are portrayed, or used to show something, and you do that well here. And despite the narrator's apparent disdain for the one whom he is addressing-- and you became lost within yourself your soul growing dark and destructive as this malignancy of spirit took full possession of you -- there remains an undercurrent of haughtiness, on the narrator's own part, which he projects onto his subject all the way to the poem's triumphant ending: and your eyes darkened and your spine bent and your lips thinned and your chi leaked like black oil from a corroded pipe. Though the narrator seems to be addressing another person, his contempt could in fact be directed at himself, at pride itself, or at any combination of the three simultaneously. For me, this gives the poem universal appeal, and it brings to mind the ending lines of one of my favorite poet's, Edgar Bowers', lines at the end of his poem #10 (from "Autumn Shade"), where he writes, My image of myself, apart, informed By many deaths, resists me, and I stay Almost as I have been, intact, aware, Alive, though proud and cautious, even afraid. I revel in the same sentiment when I read your poem Pride. Well done, and thank you for sharing it! Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleksandra Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 Dear Douglas. I noticed that you made some new recognizable writing strand in your writing. The ends of the poem are very similar, in the way how they are written. It gives the same sense of silence... I like this poem Douglas. I love a lot this part: and you became lost within yourself your soul growing dark and destructive as this malignancy of spirit took full possession of you I love the quoted piece, because you are using wonderful expressions as the last two bold lines. Wonderful poem, and I agree with Tony where he says about universal appeal. The poem is very nice written and you put the best title for this comment Pride Well done Aleksandra Quote The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lake Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 douglas, Nice to see you. I saw your name all over the place in one day! Thanks for your contribution. The word "pride" has a commendatory as well as a derogatory sense. I had the positive meaning in mind at first until I read the poem. I like how you describe "pride" as and so it grew a swollen cancerous collection of justifications and arrogance That's exactly how harmful it is. I also like the ending in parallel lines, the repeated part makes the poem powerful. and your eyes darkened and your spine bent and your lips thinned and your chi leaked Glad and surprised to see your use of "chi", how succinct it is! I wonder what its English equivalent is. I find some of the words used in the poem are abstract, but in a good way, for abstraction makes people think. Thanks for the read. Lake Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldenlangur Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 Hello Douglas, Wonderful to see you back and in such good poetic form One gets a deep sense of loss and mourning here. Pride, a destructive force destroys all that is lively, joyous and good. The analogy of cancer here works very well. Its growth unstoppable and what it leaves in its wake is devastation of hope and love. These lines describe vividly the corrosive effect of this malaise of the soul: douglas wrote: and your eyes darkened and your spine bent and your lips thinned and your chi leaked like black oil from a corroded pipe. Beautifully expressed and deeply moving. goldenlangur Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
douglas Posted May 20, 2009 Author Share Posted May 20, 2009 once again, thank you for your intelligent response to this poem and for your insightfulness. indeed, pride is such an insidious and malignant state of mind. it harms both the person afflicted and those who are in contact with the person. i loved your words - "pride, a destructive force destroys all that is lively, joyous and good." wise and totally spot on! that was what i was trying to express about the emotion through this poem. with light, douglas Quote To receive love, you have to give it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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