eclipse Posted October 8, 2018 Share Posted October 8, 2018 The ghost of a tree from Gosport died dropping one hundred tears onto the graves of forgotten soldiers and me. The tree of war shed it's leaves, we were blown away. Unprepared war was just a word as I rehearsed on a mock battlefield ready for war I watched mens eyes turn to stone as The angel of death practiced-waiting to inscribe names into bone. I heard bullets here in Browndown whispering warning us about we would become as expendable as them. I can hear echoes of clock hands frantically knocking on glass and rain hitting window panes in Hampshire. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted October 8, 2018 Share Posted October 8, 2018 Hi Barry, I think this may be your finest poem yet. The weight of war blanketing a soldier in prep for war's reality, so heavy. It isn't a morbid or shocking piece but sadness permeates the poem entirely. I cried while reading. Nice writing. ~~ Tink typo Pauses created by line break instead of punctuation is often employed in poetry and works, but the possessive apostrophe should still be included L8 mens / men's Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted October 9, 2018 Share Posted October 9, 2018 I'll add that I very much liked "we were blown away" … literally and figuratively, that is. Expendable as the bullets is also hard hitting. But what makes this poem stand out for me are the last lines: 18 hours ago, eclipse said: … I can hear echoes of clock hands frantically knocking on glass and rain hitting window panes in Hampshire. … especially the last line. It takes the reader to another place, as if divorced from his body, away from it all. Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoelJosol Posted October 13, 2018 Share Posted October 13, 2018 The poem also took me along like a river, just kept going, presenting to me images and sounds along the way. Images like "men's eyes turn to stone", "inscribe names into bone", and the last lines mentioned by Tony. Quote "Words are not things, and yet they are not non-things either." - Ann Lauterbach Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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