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Browndown Gosport


eclipse
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The ghost of a tree from Gosport died
dropping one hundred tears onto the 
graves of forgotten soldiers and me.
The tree of war shed it's leaves, we
were blown away. Unprepared war
was just a word as I rehearsed on a
mock battlefield ready for war
I watched mens eyes turn to stone as
The angel of death practiced-waiting
to inscribe names into bone. I heard
bullets here in Browndown whispering 
warning us about we would become as
expendable as them. I can hear echoes
of clock hands frantically knocking on glass
and rain hitting window panes in Hampshire.

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Hi Barry,  I think this may be your finest poem yet.   The weight of war blanketing a soldier in prep for war's reality, so heavy. It isn't a morbid or shocking piece but sadness permeates the poem entirely.  I cried while reading.  Nice writing.
~~ Tink

typo  Pauses created by line break instead of punctuation is often employed in poetry and works, but the possessive apostrophe should still be included  L8     mens  /  men's
 

~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~

For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com

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I'll add that I very much liked "we were blown away" … literally and figuratively, that is. Expendable as the bullets is also hard hitting.

But what makes this poem stand out for me are the last lines:

18 hours ago, eclipse said:

… I can hear echoes
of clock hands frantically knocking on glass
and rain hitting window panes in Hampshire.

… especially the last line. It takes the reader to another place, as if divorced from his body, away from it all.

Tony

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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The poem also took me along like a river, just kept going, presenting to me images and sounds along the way.  Images like "men's eyes turn to stone", "inscribe names into bone", and the last lines mentioned by Tony. 

"Words are not things, and yet they are not non-things either." - Ann Lauterbach

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