Tinker Posted January 19, 2019 Posted January 19, 2019 The Thread of Dreams Poetry strokes the silken threads of dreams, exposes sleeping fears from sirens wailing mournful tones. It streams the taste of salty tears. Writing vibrant words to stain the brain, kaleidoscopic guise and wafting scents of roses after rain the poet's endmost prize. ~~ Judi Van GorderNotes: ▼ Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com
Gatekeeper Posted January 20, 2019 Posted January 20, 2019 When I opened your piece I did not have my "screen" glasses on and I read it fuzzily as "The Threat of Dreams". So, here is my version, not precisely to form, having made a slight shift. The Threat of Dreams The threat of dreams that come in the night that carry you off alone there set you on an unknown stage of fright and sound a malevolent tone may have instead a different shape and be at once contrary which would be a place for your escape where you might wish to tarry Gatekeeper Quote from the black desert
Tinker Posted January 20, 2019 Author Posted January 20, 2019 Haha Gatekeeper, I love when something I wrote sparks a poetic reaction. You even attempted the form though to be true to the form L1 and L3 of each stanza is iambic pentameter with the first line of each stanza leading with a trochee. But you got the frame and rhyme right. Love it! ~~Tink Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com
tonyv Posted January 23, 2019 Posted January 23, 2019 There's a uniquely pleasing effect present in this poem. It's like the cinematic technique where a scene with most characters is shot mostly in black and white yet one character, perhaps a woman, is included with some color, for example a red dress. The first six lines are in a silvery grayscale, lines seven and eight inject the burst of color: the red roses. And with the rain I can almost smell them. Lovely. Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic
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