tonyv Posted March 18, 2019 Share Posted March 18, 2019 Considering her lay, I muse: If alabaster, jewels in an array, or stars in all their luster ever could compare, I'd still sweat her instead. So, till she draws me near (we party in her bed) her voice is in my head (an echo in my head). Aesthetica: my Botoxed sophisticate-profound. Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dcmarti1 Posted March 18, 2019 Share Posted March 18, 2019 Actually arousing, just like "Venus and Adonis" & "The Pasasionate Shepherd" were for me at age 14. Like the skillful use of near rhyme. Crisp words, imagery. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted March 18, 2019 Author Share Posted March 18, 2019 20 hours ago, dcmarti1 said: Actually arousing, just like "Venus and Adonis" & "The Pasasionate Shepherd" were for me at age 14. Like the skillful use of near rhyme. Crisp words, imagery. Makes you feel like a teenager? That's good news! Thank you, Marti! Tony 😄 Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badger11 Posted March 19, 2019 Share Posted March 19, 2019 On 3/18/2019 at 1:04 AM, tonyv said: Considering her lay, I muse: If alabaster, jewels in an array, or stars in all their luster ever could compare, I'd still sweat her instead; so, till she draws me near (we party in her bed) her voice is in my head, an echo in my head. Aesthetica: my Botoxed sophisticate-profound. Hi Tony, The closing lines, the focus on the cosmetic, led me to read deception/falseness. Alabaster brought Eliot to mind...or perhaps it is the juxtapostion of lustrous stars with the earthy lust of I'd still sweat her instead; Quote The Chair she sat in, like a burnished throne, Glowed on the marble, where the glass Held up by standards wrought with fruited vines From which a golden Cupidon peeped out (Another hid his eyes behind his wing) Doubled the flames of sevenbranched candelabra Reflecting light upon the table as The glitter of her jewels rose to meet it, From satin cases poured in rich profusion; In vials of ivory and coloured glass Unstoppered, lurked her strange synthetic perfumes, Unguent, powdered, or liquid—troubled, confused And drowned the sense in odours; stirred by the air That freshened from the window, these ascended In fattening the prolonged candle-flames, Flung their smoke into the laquearia, Stirring the pattern on the coffered ceiling. Huge sea-wood fed with copper Burned green and orange, framed by the coloured stone, In which sad light a carvéd dolphin swam. Above the antique mantel was displayed As though a window gave upon the sylvan scene The change of Philomel, by the barbarous king So rudely forced; yet there the nightingale Filled all the desert with inviolable voice And still she cried, and still the world pursues, “Jug Jug” to dirty ears. In your poem, nearness/distance. the inner perception and the physical reality, disenchantment, enjoyed Phil Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted March 20, 2019 Author Share Posted March 20, 2019 Hi Phil, 4 hours ago, badger11 said: The closing lines, the focus on the cosmetic, led me to read deception/falseness. Though that is often the implication, I think what prompted me when it came to this poem was more a sense of non-judgemental fascination, perhaps even amusement. 4 hours ago, badger11 said: Alabaster brought Eliot to mind … In vials of ivory and coloured glass Unstoppered, lurked her strange synthetic perfumes, Unguent, powdered, or liquid—troubled, confused ... ^This. Expresses to some degree that aforementioned fascination/amusement. Though in my poem the speaker is not troubled, and neither is his subject, his model, his muse. 4 hours ago, badger11 said: … or perhaps it is the juxtapostion of lustrous stars with the earthy lust of I'd still sweat her instead; I had not considered this lustrous/lustful contrast, and I like it. 4 hours ago, badger11 said: In your poem, nearness/distance. the inner perception and the physical reality, disenchantment Yes, always there are these threads, though I much prefer enchantment ... so much so that I'll tend to overlook (or turn a blind eye toward) and ultimately succumb to delusion. Thank you very much for your kind reply. Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted March 21, 2019 Share Posted March 21, 2019 I haven't commented on this Tony, because quite frankly I can't decide how I feel about it. I want to relate and I can't. Everyone seems to get it but me. ~~Judi Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted March 22, 2019 Author Share Posted March 22, 2019 22 hours ago, Tinker said: I haven't commented on this Tony, because quite frankly I can't decide how I feel about it. I want to relate and I can't. Everyone seems to get it but me. ~~Judi Hi Judi, Thank you very much for trying, but this one is really not worth too much effort. It is what it is: not very good. Tony 😀 Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted March 23, 2019 Share Posted March 23, 2019 Everybody else got it Tony. Don’t put this poem down because one person doesnt relate to it. You have some interesting images. ~~Judi Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted March 23, 2019 Author Share Posted March 23, 2019 Well, thanks again, Judi. I did make a small change which doesn't make it any less obscure, but I think it improves the poem. I swapped the semicolon at the end of L6 to a full stop! Tony 😊 Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eclipse Posted March 25, 2019 Share Posted March 25, 2019 superbly written Tony.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted March 30, 2019 Author Share Posted March 30, 2019 On 3/25/2019 at 5:02 AM, eclipse said: superbly written Tony.. Thank you, Barry. I try ... Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_con Posted April 2, 2019 Share Posted April 2, 2019 Yes indeed. I think that it is a visual/sensual poem, very relatable to male energies which tend to be aroused by the image (Some but not all). Felt the distance and the fascination, well played Tony! 😉 Juris Quote thegateless.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoelJosol Posted April 5, 2019 Share Posted April 5, 2019 The structure of the poem reminds of e.e. cummings. And I love his poems. The poem's structure is fit for purpose. You just want it short and let the reader linger and want more. Quote "Words are not things, and yet they are not non-things either." - Ann Lauterbach Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted April 6, 2019 Author Share Posted April 6, 2019 On 4/2/2019 at 3:46 PM, dr_con said: Yes indeed. I think that it is a visual/sensual poem, very relatable to male energies which tend to be aroused by the image (Some but not all). Felt the distance and the fascination, well played Tony! 😉 Juris Thank you, Juris! I always appreciate your insightful observations and remarks. See that, @Tinker? It's because you're not a man! Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted April 6, 2019 Author Share Posted April 6, 2019 Joel, thank you! I had not considered Cummings, but I like the comparison. On April 5, 2019 at 11:16 AM, JoelJosol said: ...You just want it short and let the reader linger and want more. Yesss! I like that part! Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted April 6, 2019 Share Posted April 6, 2019 I suspected that. 😀 And I’m OK with that. ~~Judi 1 Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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