Aesthetica

[tonyv]

Considering her lay,
I muse: If alabaster,
jewels in an array,
or stars in all their luster
ever could compare,
I'd still sweat her instead.
So, till she draws me near
(we party in her bed)
her voice is in my head
(an echo in my head).
Aesthetica: my Botoxed
sophisticate-profound.

[dcmarti1]

Actually arousing, just like "Venus and Adonis" & "The Pasasionate Shepherd" were for me at age 14.

Like the skillful use of near rhyme. Crisp words, imagery. 

[tonyv]

20 hours ago, dcmarti1 said:

Actually arousing, just like "Venus and Adonis" & "The Pasasionate Shepherd" were for me at age 14.

Like the skillful use of near rhyme. Crisp words, imagery. 

Makes you feel like a teenager? That's good news! Thank you, Marti!

Tony 😄

[badger11]

On 3/18/2019 at 1:04 AM, tonyv said:

Considering her lay,
I muse: If alabaster,
jewels in an array,
or stars in all their luster
ever could compare,
I'd still sweat her instead;
so, till she draws me near
(we party in her bed)
her voice is in my head,
an echo in my head.
Aesthetica: my Botoxed
sophisticate-profound.

Hi Tony,

           The closing lines, the focus on the cosmetic, led me to read deception/falseness. Alabaster brought Eliot to mind...or perhaps it is the juxtapostion of lustrous stars with the earthy lust of  I'd still sweat her instead;

Quote

The Chair she sat in, like a burnished throne,

Glowed on the marble, where the glass

Held up by standards wrought with fruited vines

From which a golden Cupidon peeped out

(Another hid his eyes behind his wing)

Doubled the flames of sevenbranched candelabra

Reflecting light upon the table as

The glitter of her jewels rose to meet it,

From satin cases poured in rich profusion;

In vials of ivory and coloured glass

Unstoppered, lurked her strange synthetic perfumes,

Unguent, powdered, or liquid—troubled, confused

And drowned the sense in odours; stirred by the air

That freshened from the window, these ascended

In fattening the prolonged candle-flames,

Flung their smoke into the laquearia,

Stirring the pattern on the coffered ceiling.

Huge sea-wood fed with copper

Burned green and orange, framed by the coloured stone,

In which sad light a carvéd dolphin swam.

Above the antique mantel was displayed

As though a window gave upon the sylvan scene

The change of Philomel, by the barbarous king

So rudely forced; yet there the nightingale

Filled all the desert with inviolable voice

And still she cried, and still the world pursues,

“Jug Jug” to dirty ears.

In your poem, nearness/distance. the inner perception and the physical reality, disenchantment,

enjoyed

Phil

[tonyv]

Hi Phil,

4 hours ago, badger11 said:

The closing lines, the focus on the cosmetic, led me to read deception/falseness.

Though that is often the implication, I think what prompted me when it came to this poem was more a sense of non-judgemental fascination, perhaps even amusement. 
 

4 hours ago, badger11 said:

Alabaster brought Eliot to mind

… In vials of ivory and coloured glass

Unstoppered, lurked her strange synthetic perfumes,

Unguent, powdered, or liquid—troubled, confused ...

^This. Expresses to some degree that aforementioned fascination/amusement. Though in my poem the speaker is not troubled, and neither is his subject, his model, his muse.
 

4 hours ago, badger11 said:

… or perhaps it is the juxtapostion of lustrous stars with the earthy lust of  I'd still sweat her instead;

I had not considered this lustrous/lustful contrast, and I like it.
 

4 hours ago, badger11 said:

In your poem, nearness/distance. the inner perception and the physical reality, disenchantment

Yes, always there are these threads, though I much prefer enchantment ... so much so that I'll tend to overlook (or turn a blind eye toward) and ultimately succumb to delusion.

Thank you very much for your kind reply.

Tony

[Tinker]

I haven't commented on this Tony, because quite frankly I can't decide how I feel about it.  I want to relate and I can't.  Everyone seems to get it but me.

~~Judi

[tonyv]

22 hours ago, Tinker said:

I haven't commented on this Tony, because quite frankly I can't decide how I feel about it.  I want to relate and I can't.  Everyone seems to get it but me.

~~Judi

Hi Judi,

Thank you very much for trying, but this one is really not worth too much effort. It is what it is: not very good.

Tony 😀

[Tinker]

Everybody else got it Tony.  Don’t put this poem down because one person doesnt relate to it. You have some interesting images.

~~Judi

[tonyv]

Well, thanks again, Judi. I did make a small change which doesn't make it any less obscure, but I think it improves the poem. I swapped the semicolon at the end of L6 to a full stop!

Tony 😊

[eclipse]

superbly written Tony..

[tonyv]

On 3/25/2019 at 5:02 AM, eclipse said:

superbly written Tony..

Thank you, Barry.  I try ...

Tony 

[dr_con]

Yes indeed. I think that it is a visual/sensual poem, very relatable to male energies which tend to be aroused by the image (Some but not all). Felt the distance and the fascination, well played Tony! 😉

 

Juris

[JoelJosol]

The structure of the poem reminds of e.e. cummings. And I love his poems. 

The poem's structure is fit for purpose. You just want it short and let the reader linger and want more.

[tonyv]

On 4/2/2019 at 3:46 PM, dr_con said:

Yes indeed. I think that it is a visual/sensual poem, very relatable to male energies which tend to be aroused by the image (Some but not all). Felt the distance and the fascination, well played Tony! 😉

 

Juris

Thank you, Juris! I always appreciate your insightful observations and remarks. See that, @Tinker? It's because you're not a man! 

Tony 

[tonyv]

Joel, thank you! I had not considered Cummings, but I like the comparison. 

On April 5, 2019 at 11:16 AM, JoelJosol said:

...You just want it short and let the reader linger and want more.

Yesss! I like that part!

Tony 

[Tinker]

I suspected that. 😀  And I’m OK with that.

~~Judi