Redundant

[dcmarti1]

On a narrow porch in Texas,
Four decades after his departure,
Not even the ghosts have remained
To trespass in empty, damaged houses.

Four decades after his departure,
His mind purposes only three:
The idyllic childhood of trees and bikes
Falling short for agendas and manifests.

Not even the ghosts have remained;
The ghost of his blacksmith great grandfather,
Who shoed the horses of the timber baron,
And whose marker is sunken and crooked.

To trespass in empty, damaged houses,
To trespass the vacant elementary,
To trespass the auctioned-off junior high:
Pranks would be criminally redundant

On a narrow porch in Texas.

[Tinker]

Wow, two gems in a row.  Nice to see you've picked up the pen again Marti.  Keep these coming.

This one makes me so curious but I can see the abandoned arena, houses, schools. Who is "he"? No, I'm not asking you, I'm asking me. A forlorn feeling emanates.  I love the inclusion of the blacksmith great grandfather, taking us back to a more vibrant time. 

The repetition punctuates the scene.  Really nice.  

~~Tink

[dcmarti1]

5 minutes ago, Tinker said:

Wow, two gems in a row.  Nice to see you've picked up the pen again Marti.  Keep these coming.

This one makes me so curious but I can see the abandoned arena, houses, schools. Who is "he"? No, I'm not asking you, I'm asking me. A forlorn feeling emanates.  I love the inclusion of the blacksmith great grandfather, taking us back to a more vibrant time. 

The repetition punctuates the scene.  Really nice.  

~~Tink

Thank you for the kind analysis.

He, of course, is me. Tried to not use first person. 🙂

The "timber baron" here did have an extensive family business, and the manor home (gorgeous, but NOT that large by mansion standards) was a museum until 2 years ago. I worked for the foundation as a docent for 2 years before it closed. 

[tonyv]

What resonates most for me are the ghosts, specifically their "trespassing" in "empty, damaged houses." Such houses and their ghosts are a significant source of inspiration when I consider the image and the poem I have featured on PMO's home page, and when I recall massive parts of Detroit, as portrayed in Eminem's music video for his "Beautiful" (warning -- explicit). I think of all these places, of what once was, that "vacant elementary" and that "auctioned off junior high." I think of that "narrow porch in Texas," with the nearby "sunken and crooked" "marker," and countless others like them, both porches and markers. Sorry about all the quotes in this reply; there's too much good in this haunting poem that really can't be expressed any better. I love it.

Tony

PS -- the title is perfect and reinforces the points I'm trying to express.

[dcmarti1]

12 hours ago, tonyv said:

What resonates most for me are the ghosts, specifically their "trespassing" in "empty, damaged houses." Such houses and their ghosts are a significant source of inspiration when I consider the image and the poem I have featured on PMO's home page, and when I recall massive parts of Detroit, as portrayed in Eminem's music video for his "Beautiful" (warning -- explicit). I think of all these places, of what once was, that "vacant elementary" and that "auctioned off junior high." I think of that "narrow porch in Texas," with the nearby "sunken and crooked" "marker," and countless others like them, both porches and markers. Sorry about all the quotes in this reply; there's too much good in this haunting poem that really can't be expressed any better. I love it.

Tony

PS -- the title is perfect and reinforces the points I'm trying to express.

Thank you for the very kind analysis. It seems that frustration can be as beneficial a muse as happiness. 😉

[tonyv]

1 minute ago, dcmarti1 said:

It seems that frustration can be as beneficial a muse as happiness.

Marti, for me the frustration is usually the only muse.

Tony 😐

[badger11]

I enjoyed this too Marti. A sense of place and change. The use of repetitions were effective. There is an engaging flow in the writing.

best

Phil

[dcmarti1]

10 hours ago, badger11 said:

I enjoyed this too Marti. A sense of place and change. The use of repetitions were effective. The is an engaging flow in the writing.

best

Phil

So glad you enjoyed it an connected. Place and change, indeed. Thank you.

[dr_con]

Yes! Really appreciated the sense of place, loss and yet continuity framed by the porch. Absolutely loved it. TY Marti!

 

Juris

[dcmarti1]

On 4/2/2019 at 2:40 PM, dr_con said:

Yes! Really appreciated the sense of place, loss and yet continuity framed by the porch. Absolutely loved it. TY Marti!

 

Juris

Thanks, Juris, as always.

[David W. Parsley]

dc,

Heartfelt agreement with all of the above!  The recurrent images and ghosts bring a refraining action that echoes like the ripple of memory.  Then, bam, you hit the reader with consecutive images that completes with a rush of total clarity and summarizing pathos.

Well done.

 - Davd