dr_con Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 The Silence that Informs Voice My mother always told me that boredom showed a lack of basic intelligence which translated to being seen and appreciated as the stick that causes these ripples which break the moon on this pond right now. Silence Informs Voice My mother always told me that boredom showed a lack of basic intelligence which translated to being seen and appreciated as the stick causing all these ripples shattering the moon on this pond right now. Quote thegateless.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lake Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 dr_con, This is a write of wisdom. You have an interesting form and a catching title. The one sentence poem made me read from the beginning to the finish in one breath. I also like the the image of the "stick" that causes ripples which breaks the moon. Very vivid. Thanks for your mother's words and your poetic delivery. Lake Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
douglas Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 hi dr con, i too found this poem full of wisdom and thought provoking images. there are so many nuances packed in to this one sentence that it becomes almost like reading a riddle - just when you think you have grasped the meaning, another possibility slips in and the process of comprehension and possibility begin again... i particularly loved these words... which translated to being seen and appreciated as the stick that causes these ripples which breaks the moon on this pond thank you for a thought provoking read Quote To receive love, you have to give it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_con Posted May 20, 2009 Author Share Posted May 20, 2009 Thanks! Appreciate the feedback, glad you enjoyed;-) DC Quote thegateless.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 I can just imagine her saying that ... and my mother saying something similar, too. It's one of those things mothers say to encourage the imagination. Seems it worked. I, too, enjoy the way the moonlight refracts from the ripples in your pond. Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rumisong Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 the complex that moves into the simple: __________________ ______________ _________ ______ ____ __ the past My mother always told me that moves into the present right now. folk wisdom always told me that boredom moves into zen wisdom these ripples which breaks the moon a sense of "not good enough" a lack of basic intelligence moves into the simple abundance of this moment the moon on this pond right now. very very cool! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 I have to say I love the way you break it down, Rumisong. I especially like how you include a graphic of the poem's appearance on the page. Excellent analysis. Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bloodyday Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 Well...... i have a heart which has a pond having a picture of someone left me alone long before but still have picture like the moon in water! do you have anything to cure me? i will welcome you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleksandra Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 Dr.con, the poem definitely is full of wisdom. I agree with the others what already commented here. As Tony, I do like also, the analysis from rumisong. The poem has a good visual effect too. Thank you for sharing this unique poem. Aleksandra Quote The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_con Posted May 20, 2009 Author Share Posted May 20, 2009 Thank you all for the overwhelming Positive criticism. Also, Rumi I appreciated your careful diagnosis, it also revealed a flaw in my one sentence stream;-) So I have edited and added another version... Let me know which resonates more... LOL Much Grace, DC Quote thegateless.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
douglas Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 hi dr con, the second version is more streamlined and resonates beautifully. i was aware of a little glitch there, but could not put my finger on it - now the poem is perfect! Quote To receive love, you have to give it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoelJosol Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 I like the second version too, DC, for its more stronger tone. Quote "Words are not things, and yet they are not non-things either." - Ann Lauterbach Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lake Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 I think I like the revision better. It is the pronouns of "that" and "which" that (sorry) stumbled me a bit. But you know I'm not proficient in English, so I try my best to read and understand the poems. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bloodyday Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 and appreciated as the stick causing all these ripples shattering the moon this refinement is superior! nice work! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 I, too, like the second version better. It seems more "immediate," as if in the here and now. Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badger11 Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 Agree with Tony about immediacy. Simply beautiful write. badge Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larsen M. Callirhoe Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 what a master piece dr con. i can see my grandmother saying something like that lol. i liked both versions though the first was a bit choppy and the second flowed better. larsen aka victor Quote Larsen M. Callirhoe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.