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The Silence that Informs Voice


dr_con
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The Silence that Informs Voice

 

My mother always told me that boredom

showed a lack of basic intelligence

which translated to being seen

and appreciated as the stick

that causes these ripples

which break the moon

on this pond

right now.

 

 

Silence Informs Voice

 

My mother always told me that boredom

showed a lack of basic intelligence

which translated to being seen

and appreciated as the stick

causing all these ripples

shattering the moon

on this pond

right now.

thegateless.org Come on over and check out my poetry substack y'all;-) Or if your bored, head to the Zazzle store: https://www.zazzle.com/store/gateless. If you buy anything I lose a bet, so consider that before you violate the digital rules.

 

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dr_con,

 

This is a write of wisdom. You have an interesting form and a catching title. The one sentence poem made me read from the beginning to the finish in one breath. I also like the the image of the "stick" that causes ripples which breaks the moon. Very vivid.

 

Thanks for your mother's words and your poetic delivery.

 

Lake

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hi dr con,

 

i too found this poem full of wisdom and thought provoking images. there are so many nuances packed in to this one sentence that it becomes almost like reading a riddle - just when you think you have grasped the meaning, another possibility slips in and the process of comprehension and possibility begin again...

 

i particularly loved these words...

 

which translated to being seen

and appreciated as the stick

that causes these ripples

which breaks the moon

on this pond

 

thank you for a thought provoking read icon_cool.gif

To receive love, you have to give it...

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Thanks! Appreciate the feedback, glad you enjoyed;-)

 

DC

thegateless.org Come on over and check out my poetry substack y'all;-) Or if your bored, head to the Zazzle store: https://www.zazzle.com/store/gateless. If you buy anything I lose a bet, so consider that before you violate the digital rules.

 

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I can just imagine her saying that ... and my mother saying something similar, too. It's one of those things mothers say to encourage the imagination. Seems it worked. I, too, enjoy the way the moonlight refracts from the ripples in your pond.

 

Tony

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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the complex that moves into the simple:

 

__________________

______________

_________

______

____

__

 

the past

My mother always told me

that moves into the present

right now.

 

folk wisdom

always told me that boredom

moves into zen wisdom

these ripples

which breaks the moon

 

a sense of "not good enough"

a lack of basic intelligence

moves into the simple abundance of this moment

the moon

on this pond

right now.

 

very very cool!

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I have to say I love the way you break it down, Rumisong. I especially like how you include a graphic of the poem's appearance on the page. Excellent analysis.

 

Tony

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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Well......

 

 

i have a heart which has a pond

having a picture of someone

left me alone long before

but still have picture

like the moon

in water!

 

 

do you have anything to cure me?

 

i will welcome you! icon_wink.gif

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Aleksandra

Dr.con, the poem definitely is full of wisdom. I agree with the others what already commented here.

As Tony, I do like also, the analysis from rumisong. The poem has a good visual effect too.

 

Thank you for sharing this unique poem.

 

Aleksandra

The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

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Thank you all for the overwhelming Positive criticism. icon_biggrin.png Also, Rumi I appreciated your careful diagnosis, it also revealed a flaw in my one sentence stream;-) So I have edited and added another version... Let me know which resonates more... icon_eek.gif

 

LOL

 

Much Grace,

 

DC

thegateless.org Come on over and check out my poetry substack y'all;-) Or if your bored, head to the Zazzle store: https://www.zazzle.com/store/gateless. If you buy anything I lose a bet, so consider that before you violate the digital rules.

 

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hi dr con,

 

the second version is more streamlined and resonates beautifully. i was aware of a little glitch there, but could not put my finger on it - now the poem is perfect! icon_wink.gif

To receive love, you have to give it...

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I like the second version too, DC, for its more stronger tone.

"Words are not things, and yet they are not non-things either." - Ann Lauterbach

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I think I like the revision better. It is the pronouns of "that" and "which" that (sorry) stumbled me a bit. But you know I'm not proficient in English, so I try my best to read and understand the poems.

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and appreciated as the stick

causing all these ripples

shattering the moon

 

 

this refinement is superior! nice work!

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Larsen M. Callirhoe

what a master piece dr con. i can see my grandmother saying something like that lol. i liked both versions though the first was a bit choppy and the second flowed better.

 

larsen aka victor

Larsen M. Callirhoe

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