tonyv Posted June 2, 2019 Share Posted June 2, 2019 Though everybody had her, everybody wants you. So, do it! Do it! Do it! Though it never let her through, you're flying super- jumbos through it! Through the slats the sky -- the home oaks sway while clouds are drifting by … The neighbor's porchlight on again all day. Where's that sassy teen I love to perv? Her mother caught me, and it struck a nerve! Still, somewhere, on the deepest ocean, keeled yet ruefully adrift, with wild eyes open to a perfect ending no one home. Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badger11 Posted June 6, 2019 Share Posted June 6, 2019 On 6/3/2019 at 12:59 AM, tonyv said: Though everybody had her, everybody wants you. So, do it! Do it! Do it! Though it never let her through, you're flying Super- jumbos through it! Through the slats the sky -- the home oaks sway while clouds are drifting by … The neighbor's porchlight on again all day. Where's that sassy teen I loved to perv? Her mother caught me, and it struck a nerve! Still, somewhere, on the deepest ocean, keeled yet ruefully adrift, with wild eyes open to a perfect ending no one home. hi Tony, Your poem translates that all consuming yearning of unrequited love. And yes, it can haunt a lifetime! Of sleepless hours, sky gazing, unmapped destinations in the 'deepest oceans'. From teenage self-defeating self-consciousness to the hindsight of later years. Time changes and preserves. I scratch the surface. Quote Through the slats the sky -- the home oaks sway while clouds are drifting by … The neighbor's porchlight on again all day. Loved those lines. best Phil Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted June 6, 2019 Share Posted June 6, 2019 Hi Tony, I love the way you break the lines to obscure the rhyme. The thoughts buzzing around in the brain, have self mocking buzz. I agree with Badge, "through the slats the sky __ / the home oaks sway . .. " such a vivid image. ~~Judi Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David W. Parsley Posted June 8, 2019 Share Posted June 8, 2019 Tony, I like the way this poem pulls together seemingly disparate threads to draw the full context of a haunted memory together, showing how seemingly innocuous occurrences can evoke a skein that still has the pangs of original regret and longing. Well Done, - Dave Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted June 16, 2019 Author Share Posted June 16, 2019 On 6/6/2019 at 2:11 AM, badger11 said: Your poem translates that all consuming yearning of unrequited love. And yes, it can haunt a lifetime! Of sleepless hours, sky gazing, unmapped destinations in the 'deepest oceans'. From teenage self-defeating self-consciousness to the hindsight of later years. Time changes and preserves. I scratch the surface. Phil, I didn't have high hopes for this one. It sprung from a jumble of sources of inspiration which I could break down and explain verse by verse or when it comes to individual lines. But you've seen something in this of which, at first, I only had an inkling, something that has become more apparent to me since reading your reply: the big picture. As always, thank you for your kind reply. Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted June 16, 2019 Author Share Posted June 16, 2019 On 6/6/2019 at 11:28 AM, Tinker said: Hi Tony, I love the way you break the lines to obscure the rhyme. The thoughts buzzing around in the brain, have self mocking buzz. I agree with Badge, "through the slats the sky __ / the home oaks sway . .. " such a vivid image. ~~Judi Judi, I love your terrific observations about this on the placement of the rhyme, the bustle in the head/brain, and the self mocking buzz. I do appreciate self-depracating humor and am pleased you detected some of that in this. As always, thank you. Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted June 16, 2019 Author Share Posted June 16, 2019 On 6/8/2019 at 3:03 AM, David W. Parsley said: Tony, I like the way this poem pulls together seemingly disparate threads to pull the full context of a haunted memory together, showing how seemingly innocuous occurrences can evoke a skein that still has the pangs of original regret and longing. Well Done, - Dave And Dave, thank you. I always appreciate your insightful remarks. I realized when I posted this that it was a bit disjointed, and I'm especially pleased that you found that the poem pulls together the disparate threads. I also find it favorable that you've characterize the occurrences as innocuous. Yes, there is regret and some longing (more of the former than the latter), but it's overwhelmingly as you have aptly put: a skein. Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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