Stretching It Out

[Tinker]

Stretching It Out

The subliminal stain of pain,
reminder of stage, space and strain,
returns again each morning,
it's fetched and stretched and for awhile
tells of life lived, a chosen style
with fragile thread, a warning.

Though my body, once quick and strong,
with time has mellowed, not so wrong.
My dance song, a playful tune, 
is slowed but rings of all good things 
and challenges that bring me wings.
Still, stings from age come too soon.
                             ~~Judi Van Gorder


Notes: ▼
Verse Form:  Cywydd Llosgyrnog  

[dcmarti1]

"come too soon"

All surrounded by talent, expertise, and form. :)

The non-apparent scheme (until I looked at your link) reminded me, at first, of Anglo-Saxon syllabic and alliterative verse. You used the form perfectly to get your point across.

[Tinker]

Thanks Marti,  I have been weed whacking, mowing and rototilling for the last 3 days and woke up almost frozen in pain this morning.  I had to ease my body up and out of bed.  I hate taking pills but took 2 Aleve and by the time I drank my first cup of coffee, my joints were pliable again.  I wrote this poem while waiting for the Aleve to kick in.   As they say, getting old is not for sissies.    

The form is from a weekly challenge at another website.   Last week it was the Rictameter and this week it is the Cywydd Llosgyrnog.  It was fun to play with rhyme and alliteration.  The Welsh forms demand a liberal dose of both.  

~~judi

[tonyv]

Judi, the poem and your reply to Marti confirm by belief that one should avoid all yard work.

Tony 😉

[badger11]

 hi Tink

The reality of the 'fragile thread'  and the life of 'My dance song, a playful tune' are balanced and reflected in the form. There is a strength in the form that articulates the voice. Life is still embraced. Especially liked the use of mellowed'.

best

badge

[Tinker]

13 hours ago, tonyv said:

Judi, the poem and your reply to Marti confirm by belief that one should avoid all yard work.

Tony 😉

Ha, Tony, Yard work may be hard on the body but I think it is good for it and it is especially good for the soul.  

~~Tink

[Tinker]

6 hours ago, badger11 said:

The reality of the 'fragile thread'  and the life of 'My dance song, a playful tune' are balanced and reflected in the form. There is a strength in the form that articulates the voice. Life is still embraced. Especially liked the use of mellowed'.

best

badge

Thanks, Badge.  This form was fun to play with.

~~Tink 

[David W. Parsley]

Tinker, every line has a healthy dose of alliteration or internal rhyme or both, lending a wry strain (no pun intended?) to the way the piece sounds and moves.  So pervasive is this musicality that I was sure you stumble-versed your way into wrap-around rhymes wrong-song and wings-stings, until I looked at the form.  Conversely strain-again and style-fragile are so nonintrusive as to be invisible to all but the most alert of readers.  Depending on reader or critic you consult, one might receive a differing opinion on which is more difficult or admirable.  You do both slant and exact rhyme in the same poem, handling the fascinating form to excellent effect.

Well Done,

 - Davd

[Tinker]

Thank you David.   I am reminded almost daily of this poem as I continue to reclaim my yard after all too many years of neglect while I nursed my husband and myself through some medical hiccups.  It strains the body but feels so good to work outside again.  I just brought in the most beautiful bouquet of roses from my garden, plus fresh lettuce, cucumbers and the juiciest plums and nectarines.  I can't wait to harvest the rest of my veggies and fruits.  All in good time.  I love watching things grow.

~~Tink