eclipse Posted July 8, 2019 Share Posted July 8, 2019 My falcon is laid in earth- an astral tear he will arrive when the moon and the angel's eye are aligned at Heaven's keyhole, the four seasons will have their hoods removed and retrace the falcon's trajectories where they will collect my disparate pages of sin. When my falcon was alive briefly on stage I was a king-in a dream he returned with the moon in his claws passing over crumbling watchtowers. Tips of two arrows meet, eventually a grieving falconer will complete his final gyre to be reunited with a bird as it dreams about the moon drowning in fire. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted July 8, 2019 Share Posted July 8, 2019 7 hours ago, eclipse said: when the moon and the angel's eye are aligned at Heaven's keyhole, Imagery, imagery, imagery, 7 hours ago, eclipse said: the four seasons will have their hoods removed 7 hours ago, eclipse said: he returned with the moon in his claws passing over crumbling watchtowers. The master! ~~Tink Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted July 11, 2019 Share Posted July 11, 2019 Image-rich, as always, with delightful vocabulary. I like how the narrator has taken possession and speaks of the bird as "his" falcon -- Quote My falcon is laid in earth ... When my falcon was alive ... -- and of course, I take it literally. I picture a companion animal. I like the use of trajectory. Usually when I see that word used it's during a duscussion about a projectile e.g. a bullet, an arrow, etc., and I love its application here. Nice work, as always, Barry. Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted July 13, 2019 Share Posted July 13, 2019 This should be linked to Scales .These poems compliment each other. ~~Tink Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David W. Parsley Posted July 21, 2019 Share Posted July 21, 2019 Hi Barry, I responded to this poem in much the same way as Tony and Tinker. Until the final three lines. I wondered why the poem lost energy for me at that point, so I went away and came back to re-read. The main problem for me is the tell-vs.-show word, "grieving" and the always-sapping word "eventually." Then, too, the use of "a" seems faux-oblique to my way of hearing the narrative. And "complete" is too neat, lacking in subtly. Really, it may be just that third-to-last line that creates problems for this reader. The whole piece prospers in a shower of startling imagery and diction that somehow communicate a fantasy tale that the reader knows is somehow about real things that happen to or near us in the tangible world, the ultimate calling of surrealist art. The narrative and images connect to your other works without repeating those images and themes. A most refreshing effort and pleasing to this reader's ear and mind. I am also grateful for the touches of craftsmanship, bringing the work to your friends at PMO only after purging misspellings and grammar errors. And while I am taking time to be grateful, I want to thank you for the added bits of insight into your recent commentary on works by other poets here. It is appreciated more than you know! Thank You, - Dave Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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