dr_con Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 Work The moon is full at 5:30 air crisp, cold belated rain and everything is confused misplaced, seconds pool in the air ____and my freshly washed hair I believe that the spiritually inclined make the best addicts, they need grammar to remain in the earth narrative without that smoke or drink________________or fix why bother with linearity at all: clean shaven dressers, secretly jealous invested in the pragmatic minute they cannot abide the hour with its inevitability and the implicit threat of undoing everything dear Now, before work, I am having problems with the reasons for this man beneath a street light a little cold remembering past instances of chill while waiting for a door to open up through the ether or just a city bus once again submitting to the expectations and safety of expected habits of the ordinary. Quote thegateless.org
rumisong Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 nice- I really like the uneven pace (lines per stanza)- feels like starts and stops- something like the feel of the subject would be... this bit, very cool image: everything is confused misplaced, seconds pool in the air and this is the best part for me: I believe that the spiritually inclined make the best addicts, they need grammar to remain in the earth narrative and then more "time" references: invested in the pragmatic minute they cannot abide the hour with its inevitability and the implicit and then Time again referenced as past and future: remembering past instances of chill while waiting for a door to open up which for me, the essence of time is summed up perfectly with the last line habits of the ordinary. this time theme that Im seeing run through it, has a perfect irony with the title - after all, time is money nice dc Quote
tonyv Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 The poem is top shelf, but work itself is definitely overrated: Now, before work, I am having problems with the reasons for this man beneath a street light a little cold ... They say, "Do what you love, and you will be successful," but it's too bad that most of the stuff that pays isn't really so pleasant. I myself prefer to not think about those past instances of chill/while waiting for a door to open up. The first stanza, its stanza break, and the first line of the second stanza move me, and I appreciate the allusion in the last line. I agree with Rumisong about its effectiveness. Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic
JoelJosol Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 In these times, the probability is high for this threat of undoing everything dear Quote "Words are not things, and yet they are not non-things either." - Ann Lauterbach
Aleksandra Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 Interesting and non usual poem Dr.con. I agree with Tony for this poem. The imagery at the beginning works very well to introduce to us the rest of the poem. It remind me of few night ago, while I watched the full moon hanging like the light in the night. Thank you for sharing. Aleksandra Quote The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia
dr_con Posted May 21, 2009 Author Posted May 21, 2009 Thanks All! I have been dealing with edits for my book of poetry and feeling overwhelmed by the global/spiritual collapse... Much Love and Grace! DC Quote thegateless.org
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