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Poetry Magnum Opus

Nebula


badger11
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At night floating beyond the shore, rolling

the loaded dice within the lover’s cage;

locking our limbs, seeding the sky with stars,

threading the hours until it's time for tea

 

and toast. And so we age with marmalade

spreading the taste so sweet she dreams our days

away. I write to stay awake, feeding

this page, praying to find meaning in space:

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I like this a lot-

 

at first the second "the" bothered me some ("the loaded dice) but then with the fourth "the" ("the hours") I saw and felt it as integral to the cadence...

 

and the repetition of the "AY" sound (someone remind me what a repeated vowel sound is called?) is nicely handled here: cage age marmalade taste days away stay awake, praying space - and the long "E" sound sprinkled in: seeding tea we sweet dreams meaning - this effect shows up well for me...

 

I also like the verb sequence within it: rolling seeding threading spreading praying- which, along with meaning adds a third repeated sound to the mix ...

 

the line "seeding the sky with stars, threading the hours" is my favorite ... also the last line: "I write to stay awake, praying to find meaning in space" is significant to the me who reads your poem...

 

thanks for sharing it here today icon_smile.gif

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I love it, Badger! The title immediately caught my attention. Nebulas are both beautiful and mysterious. The other thing that appealed to me is the pleasing rhythm and appearance on the page, especially your use of the colon at the end; it emphasizes "space" and kind of leaves the poem "open" with a sense of perpetuity.

 

I, too, really like seeding the sky with stars, and the way you describe the morning is brilliant:

until it's time for tea and toast ...

I also like how you ever-so-subtly include someone else in the backdrop and how you portray the two --

she dreams her days away. I write to stay

awake ...

-- somehow together, somehow apart.

 

Tony

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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appreciate you commenting on the sound plays Rumi. It's not to everyone's taste, but sometimes I like to be expressive with sounds.

 

cheers

 

badge icon_biggrin.png

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somehow together, somehow apart.

 

There I have to thank you my friend or at least your poems!

 

I really like this site you and Aleks have created.

 

badge icon_biggrin.png

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Larsen M. Callirhoe

hey badger, just drinking my favorite wine merlot, yummy. i like the word play. i love the metaphor the title brings to the poem and enhances it in my opinion. great read.

 

vic aka larsen

Larsen M. Callirhoe

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badger11 wrote:

 

appreciate you commenting on the sound plays Rumi. It's not to everyone's taste, but sometimes I like to be expressive with sounds.

I agree with Rumisong on the sonority. The poem's cadences, enhanced by the poetic devices which he mentioned, are terrific.

 

badger11 wrote:
somehow together, somehow apart.

 

There I have to thank you my friend or at least your poems!
I'll take that as a compliment! :icon_cool: icon_biggrin.png

 

badger11 wrote:

 

I really like this site you and Aleks have created.

We like it, too, Badge. :)) We're very lucky. After all, a board is nothing without quality members. We have such fine members (and a fine host in Forumotion, too)!

 

Tony

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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Aleksandra

Hello dear Badge. This poem is wonderful as the morning tea / coffee :).

I love the sound of this poem. It's full with innocence, beauty and mystery. Also I found this one as melancholic poem too.

 

The last two lines are perfect as whole poem with its expressions.

 

*Glad that you enjoy the board.

 

I enjoy your work here a lot. Thanks for sharing.

 

Aleksandra

The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

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Thank you Tony. Perhaps there can be 'music' without the 'meter' being paid its due attention ?:D

 

penniless, nebulous thoughts from badge icon_biggrin.png

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Another astonishing Badger piece. It has it all, from the personal to the truly universal icon_lol.gif

 

Impressive in control and voice!

 

I go away for a couple of weeks, only to return astounded by the magnitude of talent alaways on display- astonishing, really...

 

DC

thegateless.org Come on over and check out my poetry substack y'all;-) Or if your bored, head to the Zazzle store: https://www.zazzle.com/store/gateless. If you buy anything I lose a bet, so consider that before you violate the digital rules.

 

Gate(less.png

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