Farmhouse (revised)

[badger11]

revision

These colours keep her here,
  mossy walls, the hillside.
Under the scraggy tree
   a few sheep seek shelter.

This is a huddled habit,
   like chapel. Not stubborn
or stupid. That moss will soak
  up rain and green the greys.

The word is glas, her father said.

 

 

original

Her father's farm hugging
   the hillside with mossy walls.
Under the scraggy tree
  a few sheep seek shelter.

This is a huddled habit,
  like chapel. Not stubborn
or stupid. That moss will soak
  up rain and green the greys.

[tonyv]

I'm generally a positive person; I try to find the positive in most situations where positive is possible. I don't like gloom: gray skies, rain, and moss get me down. That said, I'm always eager to benefit from someone else's perspective:

39 minutes ago, badger11 said:

... That moss will soak
  up rain and green the greys.

 To me, green and gray are almost equally depressing. Even so, the contrast of grays becoming greens delivers a sense of uplifting.

Title: perfect. Length: perfect. Lyrics: right there. I loved the poem.

Tony 

[badger11]

Quote

To me, green and gray are almost equally depressing. Even so, the contrast of grays becoming greens delivers a sense of uplifting.

Thanks Tony. I have been practising my watercolours. I like the tonal values of greys and creating greens with yellow/blue blends. grey/gray defines our difference in perspective😀

It rains a lot in Wales...plenty of grey sky...I like a blue sky, but I miss that rain, green valley, when travelling in warmer climes.

best

Phil

[dcmarti1]

And, see, to me, it's a happy poem. The scraggy trees STILL provide shelter. No talk of dilapidated walls, all seems sound. Love the possibility of future green.

So much imagery. Good stuff, Maynard. (An American phrase, it might not register.)

[badger11]

Cheers Marti. I've tweaked a little to be more specific on the positives😀

cheers

Phil

[tonyv]

I can't make up my mind which version I like better. I always like the word "farm," its use thereof, and how I'm made aware that it's a childhood home, but I also like the the open-endedness of "keep her here," how it leaves me wondering  exactly where and why.

[badger11]

Thanks for revisiting Tony. I've reintroduced the father figure.

[Tinker]

Ok, I'm with Marti on this one, this one felt like home.  I loved being here and love the earthiness it conjures. 

I also love the English spelling of "colour" and 'grey'.   I always want to spell those two words that way with so much more depth and connection to the source.   The American "a" in gray is an oxymoron.   I actually like the addition of the last line in the revision.  It just sounds right.  BUT I have to admit to know knowing what it means.  "glas"  ?????  is this a colloquialism? 

~~Judi

 

[tonyv]

1 minute ago, Tinker said:

It just sounds right.  BUT I have to admit to know knowing what it means.  "glas"  ?????  is this a colloquialism? 

~~Judi

I just ran it through Google translate, Judi. Glas is "green" in Welsh. Still processing the revision ...

[badger11]

Thanks Tink and Tony.

glas, in traditional Welsh, doesn't make the distinction between blue/green...language sees the world in difference ways:

Quote

The Welsh word glas is usually translated as "blue"; however, it can also refer, variously, to the color of the sea, of grass, or of silver (cf. Greek γλαυκός). The word gwyrdd (a borrowing from Latin viridis) is the standard translation for "green". In traditional Welsh (and related languages), glas could refer to certain shades of green and grey as well as blue,

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blue–green_distinction_in_language

best

Phil

[eclipse]

Lovely evocative work....

[tonyv]

On 10/12/2019 at 12:07 AM, badger11 said:

... glas, in traditional Welsh, doesn't make the distinction between blue/green...language sees the world in difference ways ...

 

On 10/12/2019 at 12:07 AM, badger11 said:

... glas is usually translated as "blue"; however, it can also refer, variously, to the color of the sea, of grass, or of silver ...

 

And this is what I love about language(s). There's more to it than words and their definitions. Direct word-for-word translation is adequate only when it comes to the most basic day-to-day communication. Context and grammar introduce much more, so that word meanings and context (and by extension grammar) become inextricably linked to the communication of ideas within a culture, to its history, values, and art. Now, that my eyes have been opened to this concept of glas I could even come to love green, now that I'm aware of this word which does not distinguish between blue/green and can extend to the sea, grass, and even silver. I love it!

Tony

[tonyv]

Oh, and one more thing. The revision is terrific. No need to mention "farm," because it's already in the title. You added the father, and that establishes that it's the childhood home.

Tony

[badger11]

3 hours ago, tonyv said:

 

 

And this is what I love about language(s). There's more to it than words and their definitions. Direct word-for-word translation is adequate only when it comes to the most basic day-to-day communication. Context and grammar introduce much more, so that word meanings and context (and by extension grammar) become inextricably linked to the communication of ideas within a culture, to its history, values, and art. Now, that my eyes have been opened to this concept of glas I could even come to love green, now that I'm aware of this word which does not distinguish between blue/green and can extend to the sea, grass, and even silver. I love it!

Tony

I thought you might!