two ghost poems

[jakecaller]

Visiting Father’s Grave

 

Visiting my father’s grave

In Yakima

The ancestral land of the Aller clan 

 

Thinking about my father

And his legacy

And thinking that I am 

 

My father’s son

There is so much 

I wanted to tell him

 

So much I wanted to share

So much I wanted him to see

My accomplishments

 

He was taken from me 

Before I had achieved 

my dreams

 

Before I had become the man

That he and I both knew

I was destined to be 

 

 

Ghosts in Yakima

 

Walking along a graveyard

Looking for my father’s grave

Seeing all the gravestones

 

I begin to sense the spirits

Of the restless dead

They linger around the graveyards

 

Waiting for visitors

Eager to talk to anyone 

Who cares to stop 

 

And chat

So lonely being a ghost

With no one to haunt 

 

[Tinker]

Hi Jake,  Seeing your opening "two ghost poems", my thought immediately went to Happy Halloween.  Then I opened the thread and your writing was no where near the spooky ghost stories I was expecting.   The first is a very sweet moment that reads more like a personal journal entry than a poem.   The second is without doubt in my mind, the best poem you have ever written.  I think it should be set apart,  you have a beautiful touching poem.

~~Tink

[tonyv]

In the first one, I liked the mention of the "ancestral land." The second one is wistfully spooky with its "restless dead" and "lonely ghosts."

Tony

[Guest]

Where is the imagery? I find your writing to be flat and something written in like a diary, you should improve on your penmanship and go from there. I liked the message and the my condolences to your father. Thanks for sharing! 

[A. Baez]

I agree with Tinker that the second poem has something good going on. While superficially it's in a pretty prosaic tone, we readers are soon led into pithy reflections on what it must be like to be a ghost in that graveyard environment. These do an emotionally effective job of showing, not telling, what t seems you're trying to convey. Indirectly, these reflections efficiently conjure a sense of the loneliness you feel at visiting this place; it seems, in fact, as though you're projecting your consciousness onto the ghosts. The last two stanzas really nail it, and the last two lines hit hard--they're wonderful.