summayya Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 A tilted lampshade The windows are silent winds still, life like rain is dead straight or perhaps totally washed on the edges, and narrow like the streets which carry a dozen desultory smiles. I am aware of the eyes of women that brought me up: laughters tinkling through teacups; painted walls; a hundred nailed portraits, above and below spiraling up the stairs, and the descent would bring up a thousand yellow tunes smelling of the girls tied to the bottom of every apron- You said daughters were sorrow. I giggled. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 Reads like Eliot. The last line hurts like an innocence lost. Be here soon, Summayya. Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoelJosol Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 'You said daughters were sorrow.' How much pain this line brings perhaps only cultures that live through them can appreciate. The rest of us can only watch, puzzled. 'I giggled.' Perfect naivete for the sorrows to come. Thanks, summaya. Quote "Words are not things, and yet they are not non-things either." - Ann Lauterbach Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleksandra Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 Summayya, this poem is one of your best. It is written very professional, deep, emotional, thoughtful. The poem carry a message which is so painful. The imageries works wonderful, and expressions are amazing. Ending - perfect. What to say more - this is a master piece Mayya. I am pleased to read this. Aleksandra Quote The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank E Gibbard Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 Good writing Summayya. Good to see you. Frank Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_con Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 Sorry I haven't commented on this fantastic autobiographical tapestry. I loved it. The transitions were precious, the images concrete, and the message loving and wry;-) Well, well done. DC Quote thegateless.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
douglas Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 a truly well-balanced and poignant treatment of a most sensitive and complex theme. your rhythm and structure are faultless in my opinion. i particularly loved the art of the following words: "I am aware of the dank eyes of women that brought me up: laughters tinkling through teacups; painted walls; a hundred nailed portraits, above and below spiraling up the stairs, and the descent would bring up a thousand yellow tunes smelling of the girls tied to the bottom of every apron-" the scenes and subtleties of interactions through time are so very well painted and conveyed. and i agree, your ending is excellent - full of pathos and resonance. well done! Quote To receive love, you have to give it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lake Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 summayya, Nice to read you again. I like the atmosphere and mood you created in this poem. And the ending , excellent. Lake Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
summayya Posted May 21, 2009 Author Share Posted May 21, 2009 I am humbled by your comments of my efforts. Thank you very much fellow members, who are special and talented each in their own ways. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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