dr_con Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 In the Rain In the rain grace dominates, vision is blurred voices are muffled and junkies and drunks reveal their god forms. Sisyphus pushes a cart wrapped in plastic garbage bags, a burden eternal and long. Tony offers me a caramel, in my condition wet with kundalini neck pains, I politely refuse distrustful of his toothless grin. We talk, old friends, or newborn strangers, beneath bus shelter, waiting for a way out- He's HIV positive, sharing needles with a friend knowing the risks, but too high to be brought low by future possibilities, and I agree with his picture only six years ago before the roots rotted, 210 lbs a body builder, no matter how I squint I can't see his past, standing over his stooped tooth free- frame. On his 56 birthday they removed them all now, three weeks later, he gets his dentures he wishes he had stayed with heroin- I should have payed more attention trying to write this poem the first time, cynical and cold, making as much sense as your night mumbles, squirrels & robots beneath our dripping eaves I tell the story of an old Hell's Angel confessing that if he had known he would live to 40, he would not have done those things in his 20s, and we laugh shake hands, and get on different buses his obligatory "God Bless," my smile watching the lumbering angels in the rain. Quote thegateless.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 This one's remarkably vivid, Dr. Con, and it kind of gets me down. I prefer an up-town blue-sky high-pressure dome to downtown drizzle. The beginning has a perfect introductory image -- In the rain grace dominates, vision is blurred voices are muffled and junkies and drunks reveal their god forms -- which you follow up with the gritty details of a certain seedy side of life. The narrator's incidental observations, coupled with his prior knowledge of this one and that one, serve like a reality check. It's unusual that the narrator and "Tony" even interact -- they are clearly from different walks of life. The reader infers this plain truth from the body of the poem, but it becomes as lucid as that moment when the doctor gives one his test results when the two board "different buses." Very well done. Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lake Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 Very vivid depiction, Dr. Con. I love the short phrases used here, which really make good pace. And the phrase "in the rain" echoes the beginning and ending well. Rainy days usually make people feel gloomy, bring unhappy memories. This one left me a heavy feel, even from the laugh and smile. Very well written. Lake Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleksandra Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 Interesting write dr.con. It's a poem with a voice. This poem talks a lot. Thanks for sharing Aleksandra Quote The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_con Posted May 21, 2009 Author Share Posted May 21, 2009 Thanks All! Well, it was a bit of a downbeat day here in SF ;-) But, I hope to reach Full Spectrum Illumination, in my body of work ;-) Much Grace!~ DC Quote thegateless.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larsen M. Callirhoe Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 excellent poem DC full of candid, vivid, wonderful imagery. dspite the ongoing sadness your words tell a tale of what couldof instead of the old hard brutalitity of the real world. as or your poem you desribed ,e perfectly. much enjoyed the read, victor Quote Larsen M. Callirhoe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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