JTParreira Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 I showed my heart to the doctor, graphics trampling the beats of the blood - the doctor said that although the tests not show evidences was the loneliness, he showed the danger I have a greater love than the age that I can reach Finally showed me how it works is the divine breath. J.T.Parreira Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_con Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 An excellent commentary on the 'depth' and the 'surface' of the heart and its life. In this case the language choices felt a little awkward (to me). Normally, your refreshing voice, is perfectly pitched, but this time instances like: not show evidences would have sounded better to my inner ear as: showed no evidence, or did not show evidence- But, that could very well, just be me- The cadence when read outloud, sounded a bit like a slow 'heartbeat,' which could have been your intention;-) Liked it! DC Quote thegateless.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 I wish I could find such a doctor ... Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleksandra Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 Very well expressed poem Joao. Nice that you made the capitalization of letter F in Finally . That speaks the special meaning of the word in here. I like this poem. Aleksandra Quote The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larsen M. Callirhoe Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 a little choppy but other then that i loved the poem. this might be your best one yet that i have read from you. the choppines might be due to the translation of languages. this poem was real and the heartbeat of it was so honest. excellent poem vic Quote Larsen M. Callirhoe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoelJosol Posted May 22, 2009 Share Posted May 22, 2009 I share the sentiment of Larsen. Quote "Words are not things, and yet they are not non-things either." - Ann Lauterbach Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pawn shop Posted May 22, 2009 Share Posted May 22, 2009 Heart-warming. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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