Bottomsln Posted February 3, 2020 Posted February 3, 2020 Reservation in hell, a table for two I'm dining with heroin, how about you I've taken my order, it'll be here soon A candle lit romance under the spoon As I'm waiting, it appears at the table Draw it up slow, but fast as I'm able In a hurry, filled with desperation Took the shot with no hesitation Pulled the point out like a pin in grenade Continued to fall back in a nodded fade After I've eaten, I'm left unfulfilled Use my napkin, for the blood that spilled My last meal get to share with a friend Time our evening has came to an end As I started to head towards the door Stopped in my tracks it said one more Looking around, gave a second glance Grabbed my arm we got ready to dance Wrapping around me, squeezed on tight Took my breath away, kissing goodnight This isn't how I wanted to say bye Loved me to death, in a casket I lye Quote
Tinker Posted February 3, 2020 Posted February 3, 2020 Whoa, Welcome to PMO. This was pretty heavy. So heavy, the rhymed couplets were almost unnoticeable. Bottomsin, You might want to edit to fix your last 11 lines. It loses power in the run on and is hard to read. ~~Tink Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com
Bottomsln Posted February 3, 2020 Author Posted February 3, 2020 23 minutes ago, Tinker said: Whoa, Welcome to PMO. This was pretty heavy. So heavy, the rhymed couplets were almost unnoticeable. Bottomsin, You might want to edit to fix your last 11 lines. It loses power in the run on and is hard to read. ~~Tink Thanks. Yeah I don't know what happened there Quote
tonyv Posted February 9, 2020 Posted February 9, 2020 Welcome, BottomsIn. I like it! It reads like a rap lyric. The line that excited me the most? On 2/3/2020 at 1:28 PM, Bottomsln said: Pulled the point out like a pin in grenade In any case, you posted and ghosted, so I hope this isn't a true account, because we need more! (Poems, that is. Street level junk, not so sure. ) Opiates -- keep making them. Imagine the crisis we would have if the pharmaceutical companies being accused of getting people hooked said screw all of you, we'll stop making painkillers, and a shortage came about? The hospitals would be full of people screaming in pain. Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic
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